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Modern Parenthood

Hello Kitty 'terrorist,' et. al: Is zero tolerance suspensions for kids right?

Zero tolerance suspensions of kids is an overreaction in cases like the kindergarten Hello Kitty 'terrorist' who wanted to "shoot" people with bubbles or 6-year-olds pretending to shoot with their fingers. It's adults crying wolf.

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The boys at Fort Colville Elementary School were arrested after a search revealed one boy had a knife and a handgun in his backpack, The Spokesman-Review reported. “The boys, ages 10 and 11, were expected to be formally charged in juvenile court with conspiracy to commit first-degree murder, possession of a firearm and witness-tampering for allegedly bringing a stolen gun and a knife to school and threatening to kill a number of classmates,” also according to The Spokesman-Review.

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Lisa Suhay, who has four sons at home in Norfolk, Va., is a children’s book author and founder of the Norfolk (Va.) Initiative for Chess Excellence (NICE) , a nonprofit organization serving at-risk youth via mentoring and teaching the game of chess for critical thinking and life strategies.

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Stevens County prosecutor Tim Rasmussen said, "These young men conspired to kill. It was interrupted by the bravery of a fourth grader who saw something and said something ... and interrupted a murder."

As the mom of four boys, I have learned that the bubble we try to put our kids in doesn't hold. Despite all my granola-headed, non-violent, zero-tolerance for real world bad stuff parenting policies, my eldest, Zoltan, 19, is in college studying criminal justice and Homeland Security at Virginia Commonwealth University and wants to use guns to protect us – to use all kinds of firearms that he imagines shooting at guys who try to hurt our kids.

My son Ian, 17, is a Gracie Jiu-Jitsu Blue Belt (at 15, he was one of the youngest ever awarded) and is pro-gun-ownership because he works closely with military men and women, training them in self-defense so they can go use guns to protect us.

My third son is a cellist at 13 and loves those crazy driving video games, so I suppose at worst I have to worry about vehicular homicide.

Then, two days ago, I found myself pouncing on Quin when I heard him tell the cat, “I'm gonna shoot 'ya using ice beam!” as he pointed a menacing finger at Cat2. She was apparently being a Pokemon character in his mind, and he was in a “battle” in his imagination.

“MOM! I was just doing a battle.” Quin said. “It's a game. It's a finger," he said waggling it at me like Dikembe Mutumbo might at someone trying to take a shot on him in the NBA or in a GEICO TV ad. "It's not the end of the world!”

The question is whether others know that he's playing if he slips-up and does it near the school or a zealous, nervous hall monitor, because then it's not a game anymore.

If he does that anywhere near the elementary school he will be suspended, branded a potential criminal, maker of “terroristic threats;” and because he has Aspergers Syndrome, he'll likely become the neighborhood pariah for life. Now Mommy's jumping at shadows.

I wonder if it's possible to undo the damage all this child-shaming is doing to innocent children who are, on the whole, likely mimicking what they see on TV and in games.

According to The Virginian-Pilot, an 8-year-old boy from Minnieville Elementary School in Woodbridge, Virg. who was suspended for "threatening to harm self or others," after pointing his finger like a gun after another child pretended to shoot him with a bow and arrow, has had his school disciplinary records wiped clean of the offense. The action carried with it the same category as bringing a real weapon to school.

It's good news that the child's records will not carry the taint, but I fear it will not stop the finger pointing at the child who was “the bad kid” suspended and in disgrace for something many parents feel is age-appropriate, common behavior.

We need to rethink this approach, before one of our kids gets so emotionally wounded that he or she decides to take it out on the place that branded him or her a threat in what could become our nation's worst act of self-fulfilling prophecy.


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