What more do I need?

Have you ever grappled with a problem and been given advice by someone attempting to help, but then silently dismissed their suggestion? “That’s not what I need,” you tell yourself. “I need something more.”

That’s what I did about a year ago when I was praying for healing of a persistent pain in my lower back. I was intent on finding a solution through my practice of Christian Science by studying its textbook, “Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures” by Mary Baker Eddy. The spiritual ideas in that book explaining the Science of being had met so many needs in my life and brought spiritual growth and healing. I was sure this time would be no different.

I started reading the chapter titled “Christian Science Practice” but stopped after a few minutes. I felt nothing. At that point I put the book aside and prayed to God with all my heart, “What more do I need?”

A thought occurred to me. It’s an instruction also found in Science and Health: “Read this book from beginning to end. Study it, ponder it” (p. 559). I had studied the book from cover to cover many times. This time I was sure I needed something more.

Then I realized I wasn’t paying attention to the last part of the instruction: “ponder it.” With that in mind, I picked up the book and again started reading. This time I had questions, and I wanted to devote as much time as I could to finding satisfying answers.

The chapter “Christian Science Practice” starts with a story from the New Testament about a meal hosted by a religious leader named Simon for his honored guest, Christ Jesus. I asked myself, “Why did Mrs. Eddy begin the chapter with this story?”

Themes in this story include repentance and reform and how much Jesus valued these stages of growth in Christian character. He saw these traits being expressed by a woman intruding on the dinner – a woman condemned by the community as a sinner.

I continued pondering: Am I overlooking some character flaw in myself? It required a lot of humility to thoroughly examine my thinking and be willing to correct whatever needed correction. My desire was to live in accord with how God, divine Love, created each of us as the spiritual expression of His all-good and all-loving nature.

This meant I needed to do a better job of being patient, charitable, and humble, and of doing good to others, which is how Jesus lived his life. It was a model for living that I needed to live up to more fully. Not in the distant future, but now.

I kept pondering these lessons and endeavoring to replace any unloving traits with greater patience and compassion.

As I continued reading, I came to this: In summing up the example of the woman, Mrs. Eddy explained, “If the Scientist has enough Christly affection to win his own pardon, and such commendation as the Magdalen gained from Jesus, then he is Christian enough to practise scientifically and deal with his patients compassionately; and the result will correspond with the spiritual intent” (p. 365).

My intent had seemed right. I was practicing Christian Science with the intent of being healed. But the reference is to spiritual intent. That implies a higher, unchanging source of intent: the will of God – not something that may or may not come to pass but that which is guaranteed and permanent. And with God as its source, the intent, or will, is invariably good, complete, done. God’s will for His children (you and me) is for us to be Godlike – loving, purposeful, healthy, flawless – just as He created us to be. This is already true about us; it’s how we are made.

This means that no matter how long we’ve held on to character flaws or bad habits, we can let them go because they don’t actually belong to us. God knows and sustains the real selfhood of each of His children, and God is right here every moment to remind us of what does belong to us always.

The repentance and reform that followed helped me to gain rich insights into my actual selfhood as the likeness of God, and to see – and let go of – what is not part of that selfhood. I was a freer and better man as a result.

The next morning brought yet another result. As I stepped out of bed, I was pleasantly surprised to find that all the back pain was gone. Entirely gone.

There’s much to be gained by studying Science and Health. And while you’re studying, take time to ponder. You’ll love the results.

Adapted from an article published in the July 17, 2023, issue of the Christian Science Sentinel.