McMillan says that you may be acting selfishly without realizing it. "When you need every single thing to be exactly the way you like it, you have to know that there are not a lot of men who are going to find that attractive," she writes. "It's okay if the pillows on the sofa are out of place." She offers another example. "If you're needy, it means you see yourself as a person who should be on the receiving end of most transactions. This is an unrealistic expectation, to say the least, in the context of marriage." McMillan offers her solution in a single word: service. "I want you to serve your husband – and for that matter, everyone else around you," she wrote. "You will be a much happier person. I'm not suggesting you turn yourself into some sort of maid... I'm saying you need to step into the idea that loving someone is about giving something, not getting it."