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Why children need to learn to play

Play is 'shorthand for imagination, curiosity, ... our creative dispositions,' says the author of 'The Hurried Child.' And it's in increasingly short supply.

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Freeman took him aside. Using a stuffed cat, some blocks, and a cloth, she created a story that he could see, about a kitten looking for a friend to play with. The kitten met a mouse, but scared him away with his claws…. At first the story mirrored the boy's frustration, but it finished with a happy resolution. "I looked for opportunities every day, all day, to feed him stories that might prompt behavior modification rather than direct it," says Freeman. Eventually, the boy entered the world of imagination where everything dreamed becomes possible and – in his case, he became a good friend.

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How play evolves

True play is self-initiated, says Elkind, such as the kindergarten children playing restaurant, described above.

Play takes different forms at different age levels. The babbling of infants, the dramatic play of preschoolers, and the simple games with rules (hopscotch, hide-and-seek, etc.). Through these activities, children learn about themselves, others, and about their world.

Freeman defines play in terms of emotional development, too: "Through imagination and interaction, children learn a passionate and compassionate respect for each other and the spiritual world around them."

One of her students insisted on putting Band-Aids on all the students. This boy rescuer was learning the importance of showing other kids that they could trust him – and building confidence that he really could help others. "Through imaginative play," Freeman says, "the children become empowered. They build self-confidence."

Role-playing is especially good for this. "Children are basically powerless," says Elkind. By pretending they are a train engineer or police officer, they can play the powerful adult and this provides a reprieve.

Lack of playfulness hurts academics

Fifteen major university teams from the United States recently competed in an international mathematics competition. Only one of the US teams won.

Elkind feels this is a consequence that students are not as playful as they once were.

"Fantasy, curiosity, and imagination are the mental tools required for success in higher-level math and science," says Elkind. "The failure to develop these tools [through play] is, in part at least, one of the reasons America is falling behind other countries in attracting young people into these fields."

Children also learn to socialize via play.

This past spring, when the pump-well was opened in the play yard of the Waldorf School here, the water gushed forth. Children were building dams, streams, ponds, and having a great time – except for one child.

"He is an only child, and he was feeling rejected … not knowing how to join the others," says Freeman. "So he ran after the others saying things like, 'That was my bucket! Now it's my turn!' "

But this wasn't getting him anywhere, so finally he stopped and thought. He looked at the wash bucket, and then called, "I have an idea … a great idea!" Everyone came running. They all filled little buckets and poured them into the river at the same time – everyone's effort was turned toward the same cause.

Instead of continuing to pester the others, this boy came up with his own idea, which included other children. In this creative, constructive way he became a part of the group.

"Epiphanies like this happen every day through play. And this is an experience that will build inner confidence and a sense of community in children that can serve them for a lifetime," says Freeman.

Opportunities for spontaneous play

There is certainly a place for organized sports, cultural activities like scouts or dance lessons, TV, and computers.

"It's not that those things aren't valuable," says Elkind. But things like soccer "shouldn't dominate a child's life, or else the fun sport becomes work, and by the time a child is 13 or 14, they are burned out."

Children need several hours each day to be kids, Elkind says. They need to let their imagination roam; they need to explore, and invent on their own, with other kids, with parents, or other caregivers.

Much more learning takes place outside the classroom than within it, Elkind maintains. And down time, even driving in a car provides wonderful opportunities for spontaneous play with our children, he adds. He was driving in the car with his 5-year-old granddaughter, who was getting bored. Elkind suggested that they count the number of "For Sale" signs. This became a game. When she asked, "What does 'For Sale' mean?" the game became an opportunity for her to practice counting and learn a new phrase.

How parents can encourage play

First, make time for play at all ages. "An infant playing with a rattle is learning a lot more than he or she is getting from watching 'Baby Einstein,' " says David Elkind, a longtime professor of child development. As children get older, parents need to help them balance time spent watching TV and playing video games with time spent playing with peers, reactive play, or reading.

Second, model play. When reading a story to a preschooler, for example, change your voice in keeping with the characters. For older children, play cards or board games. These experiences teach young people strategies and interpersonal skills. You can also model play by telling jokes and riddles or by watching and discussing TV shows and movies.

"Parents interacting with their children is the most important kind of experience young people can have at all ages," says Dr. Elkind.

It's not only an opportunity to bond, but it allows children to see parents in a new way. Adults are power figures. "But when you are playing, you and the child are more equal," says Elkind. "This makes it easier to communicate," and both parent and child learn about each other.

And, while they may not verbalize it, children see parents giving up something to be with them. They see this as evidence that they are important and that the parent cares deeply about them.

Elkind sums up what parents can do in one word: Share. "Share your passions, share your experience, share your humor, share your decisionmaking and, most of all, share, your time," he says.

A brief list of play ideas:

All ages: Have daily chores; help someone else; read; play sports; joke; share stories about when you were a child; take walks or bike rides.

Preschoolers: Go to the playground.

Kindergarten to age 7: Make an art corner with paper, glue, ribbons, sparkles, fabric, boxes, string, and clay; make a fort; sleep out in a tent; play board games; play ball games, like catch; tell riddles and knock-knock jokes; cook and bake.

Ages 8 to 10: At this age, children are very much into playing with peers. Provide opportunities and materials (games, etc.) for such play, but don't intrude.

Ages 10 to 12: Again, preteens are very much into their friends, but they are happy to play catch or more sophisticated card games like poker or hearts with parents. Don't feel hurt if children prefer to play with friends.

Ages 13 and up: Now young people feel comfortable doing grown-up activities with parents: softball, golf, bowling, skiing, sailing, or hiking.

David Elkind

David Elkind is best known for "The Hurried Child," first published in 1981. The book warned of the dangers of expecting children to feel, think, and behave like "mini adults." He spoke of the stresses placed on children by overtesting and the too-early introduction of academics and organized sports.

In the preface of the 25th anniversary edition of the book, Elkind says things have only gotten worse. Computers and TV programs extend "hurrying" into infancy and the diaper set. Childhood, he says, has moved indoors, thanks to the prevalence of television and video games.

The commercialization of childhood is another way society "hurries" kids, he says. Children are directly targeted as a lucrative consumer market. Advertisers engage in "age compression," in which products designed for adults or older children are marketed to ever-younger age groups. Two- and 3-year-olds now play with Barbie dolls, for example.

The cost of speeding through childhood has been high. "Despite the early introduction of reading and math, children are not doing any better, and in many cases are doing worse than past generations," Elkind says. Academic achievement has become the No. 1 stressor of children.

"We need a level of concern like we now have for global warming," Elkind says. "We don't need more research. We have the data," and we know what to do. Politics, economics, and "social/cultural dynamics" are what stand in the way, he says.

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