I'd been living with my parents, and it seemed right that my small daughter and I establish a home of our own. But being newly divorced and caring for a child had left little time for work outside our home, and I didn't have the funds to pay for an apartment.
Yet the idea kept coming to me - insistently - that it was time to move forward.
I do my best to be spiritually minded, so I recognized that "still small voice," that spiritual intuition, as God gently guiding me to a progressive next step. Yet, I confess I hesitated.
"I have no job," I protested. "No means to provide for a home on my own."
I found a message in the writings of Mary Baker Eddy that spoke to the feelings I had, feelings of being propelled forward but balking. She wrote: "The effects of Christian Science are not so much seen as felt. It is the 'still, small voice' of Truth uttering itself. We are either turning away from this utterance, or we are listening to it and going up higher" ("Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures," p. 323).
I wanted to go "up higher," to move forward. And, if I was honest with myself, I knew I was being prompted to, though it seemed like a bold step to take an apartment with no means to furnish or pay for it. Bold, or perhaps even foolish.
But I was obedient. I looked in the paper on Sundays and went to view more than a few apartments. Still, none seemed quite right. I continued to listen for God's direction. I went to the nearby university and looked through its housing options.
I wasn't interested in just any place to live. I knew that if God was prompting me to live in a new location, He would let me know clearly where it was.
When my efforts proved futile after several weeks, I became frustrated. I went back to the writings of Mrs. Eddy. What I found was this: "God gives you His spiritual ideas, and in turn, they give you daily supplies. Never ask for to-morrow: it is enough that divine Love is an ever-present help; and if you wait, never doubting, you will have all you need every moment" ("Miscellaneous Writings 1883-1996," p. 307).
The three keys for me in this passage were to be patient, not to doubt, and to trust that I would have all I needed - every moment.
With that, I let go of feeling frustrated, and instead trusted that I would have what I needed - in God's way and in God's time.
Shortly after this, on my way home from church, I felt compelled to stop in front of an apartment building. It had a "for rent" sign out front. I felt as if God had quietly tapped me on the shoulder, pointed to the building, and said "There is your new home."
It all happened so simply, so quietly, and so effortlessly. Yet there was still the problem of no job. But God had provided, as I'd read, everything needed. I signed the lease, trusting in God's love and in the truth about His provision. After moving, a new career path opened up to me, one I'd likely not have investigated had I stayed in my parents' home. My new job provided more than enough work to support my daughter and me.
And the best part? One of my earnest desires had been to be a "stay at home" mom. My new career allowed me to work around my daughter's schedule. When she napped, I worked. When she went to bed early in the evening, I completed assignments or did the billing and other paperwork. My new career supported us for several years, until my daughter was ready for preschool.
What stands out to me from this experience is that God's plan blessed us in ways I couldn't have outlined myself. Partaking of them meant being obedient to God's "still, small voice," trusting that I could hear Him and follow His direction even when I couldn't see the whole picture. Trusting God had been the essential ingredient. I've found you can't go wrong doing that.