Parents talk with kids about terrorism

Why does the sun rise in the east? How do bees make honey? When will that flower bloom? Naturally curious about their world, children often bombard parents with questions. Mom and dad might roll their eyes with amusement about such incessant questioning, but they can usually muster up a quick and satisfying response.

Not so during the past week. Questions posed to parents since the recent terrorist attacks have called for more thoughtful and sensitive responses than ever before. Children look to adults for answers, but this time, there are no easy explanations. One can't simply fire off a response to a child who at bedtime demands to know: "Are they going to fly an airplane into our house?" "Will those firefighters ever be found?" or "Why do some people hate us?"

Family experts are now urging parents to reassure their children that they are safe, loved, and protected; to listen carefully to their questions and answer them honestly and accurately but without excessive detail; and to keep television and radio reports from blaring 24/7. And, of course, they say, comments need to be geared to a child's age and maturity. The talk one has with a toddler will obviously be more basic than with a preteen. Finally, many suggest, families can pray together.

Many parents seem to have known all of this intuitively. When asked to share with the Monitor recent conversations they've had at home, here's what some parents across America told us:

We have an 11-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl. Together we placed an American flag outside, and said a prayer. We watched TV with them, balancing our explanation of what happened with hugs and words to let them know they are safe. We likened it to the day JFK was shot, and explained what it means to be a witness to history. Then we stopped explaining. They must be allowed to be children and go on with their lives. It is their right.

Steven Greene Newark, N.J.

I wanted my 7-year-old son to know this wasn't a movie, a cool stunt. Let's face it, the images on TV looked like something out of the movie "Independence Day," which he has seen numerous times. I'm not sure there is any way to explain the profound sadness that is settling in. I think the most important thing is to just make him feel safe.

Alyson O'Mahoney

Mount Kisco, N.Y.

I have two little girls, ages 6 and 4-1/2. We don't want them to see any television images of this tragedy. We have tried to shelter our youngest completely, but we knew the oldest would hear things in school, so we tried to put it in the most basic terms. We told her that "there are some bad people in the world, and they do bad things that hurt people, but there are many, many more good people, and they are here to help. You are safe. Mommy and Daddy are here to protect you." It's easy to say all this, but it's a shame we even have to have this conversation.

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