``PAY Guernsey Le Pelley one million dollars.'' The envelope came in my mail only last week, but I suppose I'll have to wait awhile for the money. I understand these things take time and they are not likely to send me the money right off.
Jealous friends tell me my chances of getting this million dollars are only half as good as getting struck by lightning at the North Pole, but what do they know? They didn't get an envelope.
In much lesser type it did say that one of the numbers below had to be a grand prize winner before they put the money in the mail, but this seems like only a formality. Meanwhile, I can get smaller things while I'm waiting, like an alarm clock telephone, so the time won't be completely wasted.
Another recent envelope offered $500,000. It is hard to pay attention to smaller offers, but I haven't thrown it away yet. The trouble is, I get a lot of $25,000 ones. It takes a long time to get to a million in only $25,000 chunks, so I'm tempted not to waste my time with them.
When one gets an envelope with an offer of a million dollars written across it in half-inch boldface type, it has a certain sobering effect. I admit it's hard not to hang around the front door waiting for the mailman each day, even though he seems totally unconcerned as to what is about to happen to me. Boy, I can't wait to see his face. Suppose they send the money in cash.
Just for the record, I want all my friends to know that having a million dollars won't make any difference in our relationship. Maybe I'll eat at a better restaurant once in a while, but that's all. They have this prime rib dinner advertised over on the trail for $14.95 and I might give it a try. I've been reading the ad for about six months.
Many years ago I had an acquaintance who received a sum of money anonymously. It wasn't a million, but who's counting? Anyway, it gave him a lot of problems, because he did nothing but worry and wonder who it was who sent it. I think he never fully trusted that he had it and that one day he would have to give it back.
I don't think I'm like that. With my million I'll go have my prime rib dinner and maybe even leave a $3 tip.