On Thursday night's American Idol results show, there was a whole lot of people behaving (and performing) badly. You know that there is a serious issue when the group performance is the highlight of the evening. The final seven opened the show with a perfectly corny rendition of "Dancing in the Streets," that seemed ready made for an episode of Sesame Street. Add a few store fronts, a front porch, and a trash can and the scene would have been set. Jennifer Lopez must have seen the rehearsal of the song and thought the very same thing; it is the only logical explanation for her Plaza Sesamo themed outfit.
Then there was the Ford music video that brought us Joshua Ledet as the long-haired centaur archer associated with the constellation Sagittarius; an image that will remain with viewers long after Season 11 ends. Of course, the Ford music video helped to explain a few things too. Jessica Sanchez was portrayed as a Gemini – a visual nod to her odd, self professed alter ego Bebe Chez.
To help erase the images of the contestants peering down at us from the heavens, Idol Alum Kris Allen returned to the Idol stage to perform, "The Vision of Love," the first single from his sophomore album, "Thank You, Camellia." Maybe the dreadfully dull song combined with the slowly rotating upright piano lulled me into a hypnotic state from which things seemed clearer, but a question popped into my mind, "We already have a Kris Allen. Why do we need a Colton Dixon?" Why indeed.
After being told she would join Hollie Cavanagh in the bottom three, long-suffering Elise Testone then threw herself a pity party when Ryan Seacrest asked if she felt as though Jimmy and the judges were being particularly hard on her. She agreed, stating that she "felt a little discredited sometimes. But that's the name of the game, right?" She added with irony and her trademark sullen expression. Where the heck was Skylar Laine's violinist when we needed him?
Ryan then shared a video tribute to the late Dick Clark, calling him a pioneer of the music business. The video montage showed Dick Clark announcing famous names such as Chubby Checkers, Johnny Cash, and Diana Ross. It was a touching look back at his life and achievements, especially the clips of Clark and Seacrest together, where the similarities in both charisma and presence are hard to ignore. One could almost imagine a torch being passed from teacher to student, with Seacrest poised to become the Dick Clark for future generations.
Then Ryan announced LMFAO and the spell was broken. The performance by LMFAO had to be the most ridiculous thing on Idol since Iggy Pop writhed across the stage half-naked last season.
As things continued to spiral out of control, Jimmy Iovine jumped on the bandwagon with a scathing attack on Colton's outfit Wednesday night, saying that Colton looked like a cross between a 1985 Billy Idol on MTV and Spiderman on Broadway while performing Lady Gaga. (Personally, I think he was much more a cross between Billy Idol and Jack the Pumpkin King, but what do I know?) Jimmy's remarks might have earned Colton some sympathy points if it had not been for the clip that showed Colton's reaction to the judges feedback after his performances on Wednesday.
Here's a nugget of wisdom for all you dedicated readers: any statement that needs to begin with a disclaimer such as, "I'm not trying to sound [insert negative word here]," should just be left unsaid. Unfortunately for Colton, the advice comes a day too late because Colton dismissed the judges comments with a smug grin and a shrug, stating, "Honestly, I'm not trying to sound cocky, but I don't care."
Phew. That's good to know. It saved us from having to feel sorry for him when, moments later, Ryan announced that he received the lowest amount of votes and had been eliminated. Colton was less smug after receiving the news but no less reverent as he dropped to his knees to perform one last worship song.
And then, my friends, there were six.