Bully watch: Raising a cowboy unafraid to wear blue nail polish

Bully watch in Wyoming: One mother wants her son to be "that cowboy," the one who is not afraid to wear blue nail polish or a pink shirt, showing that it's OK to be different – even in Wyoming.

Alan Rogers/The Casper Star-Tribune/AP
Bully cowboys no more, says the author, especially ones who are different and wear nail polish. Even professional rodeo cowboys are wearing pink shirts with their hats. In this June 2012 photo, store owner Louis Taubert Jr. steams a cowboy hat to shape the brim at Lou Taubert Ranch Outfitters in Casper, Wyo.

Eliot came back to ranch country from the Big Apple all manscaped, right down to the blue fingernails. The chic teenager Esme had painted hers, and Eliot, who is five, did his own, carefully and with purpose. This dyed-in-the-wool Wyoming cowboy had LOVED New York like a child should – pizza everywhere, kids everywhere, and the taxis. He got a toy E Train and couldn't wait to get it on the tracks at home. 

My New York friends remarked how well-behaved he is, but I knew he was being spoiled to the point of toxicity. I suppose they did, too, awed in their knowing that his terrible twos – and threes and fours – were spent in tractors, semi trucks, fencing on the mountain, midnight haying on the plains, sleeping on a pillow in his father's lap (not so unlike a treasured dog in a Louis Vuitton carrier under the seat in Cloud Nine, but still, he's this precious little boy).

He is tough, for sure, tough enough to return to his kindergarten class at his country school with his blue nails. But when he came home he was scratching it off. I asked him if someone had teased him about it and he said no, "not weely," but this one boy had said it was "innapwopwiate."

"That kid?" I retorted, dabbing his fingers with nail-polish remover. That kid was Eliot's Mexican farmhand friend. He spoke no English when he and Eliot entered kindergarten; he was known by his Spanish name. The two boys spoke only the brrrs and vrooms of toy tractors and construction equipment.

"I'll take it off, " I said, "but you can always put it back on. You can flash those blue fingers in his face and say, 'How do you like me now?'"

Eliot liked that idea. 

"But you'll have to duck, because he might hit you," I said.

Eliot wanted to practice ducking punches, and did so as I told him about bullying, about being different, about doing things you like to do, like wearing nail polish, and how cool it is to be a rootin' tootin' cowboy who knows how to take the E Train. And of course that boys, too, love nail polish, and how lucky we are that we now have perfectly appropriate colors like blue or John Deere green for boys to sport, and thanks to the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association, rodeo cowboys are tough enough to wear pink.

I told Eliot his fellow kindergartner was likely envious of the blue nails – after all, what five year old doesn't like nail polish? – but maybe he was too shy to paint his. I realize I was trying to bully-proof him without explaining the rules, and the rules are that young cowboys in country schools can expect to have their feelings hurt if they wear nail polish. Nail polish is for girls.

At least it still is in this ranch country.

My older son, who is nearly 15, does not want me to encourage Eliot to "sport" nail polish. He is worried Eliot will be teased, ridiculed, humiliated for any transgression of gender codes in the Intermountain West. Simon knows that children can be cruel to one another. So do I.

I know it's not about the nail polish; it's about being allowed to be yourself, about being considerate of one another and being kind. In this case it might be considerate of Eliot to avoid the unnecessary distraction his blue nails cause in the classroom. But I don't want him or anyone else pathologizing it, not in this world, and not at this time in the world. I also know I can't prevent bullying without passing on useless gender rules to a new generation – it's the explanation "nail polish is for girls," or "it makes other boys uncomfortable because they're not allowed to," that I worry would stick to his social psyche and keep him on the hurtful side of conformity, where shame lives.

I want him to be tough enough to wear pink, and ultimately to know how and why a cowboy wearing pink can help promote equality and goodwill in gender and sexuality. I want him to be that cowboy.

You've read  of  free articles. Subscribe to continue.

Dear Reader,

About a year ago, I happened upon this statement about the Monitor in the Harvard Business Review – under the charming heading of “do things that don’t interest you”:

“Many things that end up” being meaningful, writes social scientist Joseph Grenny, “have come from conference workshops, articles, or online videos that began as a chore and ended with an insight. My work in Kenya, for example, was heavily influenced by a Christian Science Monitor article I had forced myself to read 10 years earlier. Sometimes, we call things ‘boring’ simply because they lie outside the box we are currently in.”

If you were to come up with a punchline to a joke about the Monitor, that would probably be it. We’re seen as being global, fair, insightful, and perhaps a bit too earnest. We’re the bran muffin of journalism.

But you know what? We change lives. And I’m going to argue that we change lives precisely because we force open that too-small box that most human beings think they live in.

The Monitor is a peculiar little publication that’s hard for the world to figure out. We’re run by a church, but we’re not only for church members and we’re not about converting people. We’re known as being fair even as the world becomes as polarized as at any time since the newspaper’s founding in 1908.

We have a mission beyond circulation, we want to bridge divides. We’re about kicking down the door of thought everywhere and saying, “You are bigger and more capable than you realize. And we can prove it.”

If you’re looking for bran muffin journalism, you can subscribe to the Monitor for $15. You’ll get the Monitor Weekly magazine, the Monitor Daily email, and unlimited access to CSMonitor.com.

QR Code to Bully watch: Raising a cowboy unafraid to wear blue nail polish
Read this article in
QR Code to Subscription page
Start your subscription today