Happy Halloween! No loser candy or mean monster here

Happy Halloween at this dad's house means not having loser candy. It means not being a mean monster to the Winnie-the-Pooh who takes too many treats. And  it means letting a tiny policeman use the bathroom.

The Star-News/AP
Happy Halloween: Aboard the USS North Carolina on Oct. 30, Warren and Louise Ramay have a unique trick-or-treat experience during the fourth annual Batty Battleship Halloween Bash.

OK, all systems go. Candles in the pumpkins are lit, porch lights are on, got the candy in the bowl – and someone’s already at the door! 

Wow, great costumes this year, so fun.  Except I’m not sure who these characters are. Star Wars aliens? Angry Birds? Nothing like Halloween to test your knowledge of pop culture.

RELATED: 5 free ghoulish iPhone games

Let’s see, handing out one piece to each kid seems kind of stingy, but it looks busy out on the sidewalk. I hope I have enough. Somebody like the Gallup organization should do pre-Halloween polling so we get a better idea of what the turnout’s going to be.

Ah, here come some familiar figures – Superman and Green Lantern. I’ll let each of them choose what they want. Oh, great, they’re picking through the whole bowl now. C’mon guys, you’ll never make it to the end of the block at this pace. 

Yikes, suddenly it’s like a flash mob. Hard to see who’s getting what with so many hands reaching in. I think that little Pooh Bear kid might have grabbed three pieces, but he’s so incredibly cute, and only a real monster would scold Winnie the Pooh for taking too many treats. 

Whew! Time to fill the bowl back up. Wait, what’s this? Some kind of strange jelly worm thing – hey, this is a treat from another house somebody didn’t want!  Hmm, do I toss it out or put it back into circulation?  I better toss it. I don’t want to get a reputation for giving out loser candy.

Oh my gosh! The biggest group yet! Pirates and ballet dancers and ninja assassins and, what’s that you say? A tiny policeman needs to use my bathroom. Well, I know that feeling. Down the hall and to the left, officer. Is everybody else getting what they wanted? That kid in the toga – I feel like he's been here once already. It's hard to tell where one group leaves off and the next one begins anymore.  And there was somebody covered by a sheet who was skittering around and panting. Was that a person, or did I just give candy to a dog? Oh, goodbye Mr. Patrolman, almost forgot about you. That would have been awkward.

Here comes a nice pair – a man and his daughter together, playing Beauty and the Beast. I think the Beast should get an extra piece of candy, my gift, one dad to another. The girl instantly snatches it out of his hand and they both laugh. “I believe some day this will happen with car keys,” he says.

In what seems like a short time, the groups begin to thin out. The street quiets down. Now who’s coming? A trio of ghoulish visitors, boys with white face paint dressed in ragged shabby clothes. They step onto the porch and one of them puts a cell phone to his ear. “Yeah, we’re almost done,” he says. “See you soon.”  Zombies on the wireless network – what would Bram Stoker think?

Finally done. Several of the jack-o’-lanterns have already gone out. There’s a candy wrapper lying in the driveway. Somebody liked my treats so much they ate one before leaving the yard. I can’t think of a better Halloween compliment.

The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs.

You've read  of  free articles. Subscribe to continue.
Real news can be honest, hopeful, credible, constructive.
What is the Monitor difference? Tackling the tough headlines – with humanity. Listening to sources – with respect. Seeing the story that others are missing by reporting what so often gets overlooked: the values that connect us. That’s Monitor reporting – news that changes how you see the world.

Dear Reader,

About a year ago, I happened upon this statement about the Monitor in the Harvard Business Review – under the charming heading of “do things that don’t interest you”:

“Many things that end up” being meaningful, writes social scientist Joseph Grenny, “have come from conference workshops, articles, or online videos that began as a chore and ended with an insight. My work in Kenya, for example, was heavily influenced by a Christian Science Monitor article I had forced myself to read 10 years earlier. Sometimes, we call things ‘boring’ simply because they lie outside the box we are currently in.”

If you were to come up with a punchline to a joke about the Monitor, that would probably be it. We’re seen as being global, fair, insightful, and perhaps a bit too earnest. We’re the bran muffin of journalism.

But you know what? We change lives. And I’m going to argue that we change lives precisely because we force open that too-small box that most human beings think they live in.

The Monitor is a peculiar little publication that’s hard for the world to figure out. We’re run by a church, but we’re not only for church members and we’re not about converting people. We’re known as being fair even as the world becomes as polarized as at any time since the newspaper’s founding in 1908.

We have a mission beyond circulation, we want to bridge divides. We’re about kicking down the door of thought everywhere and saying, “You are bigger and more capable than you realize. And we can prove it.”

If you’re looking for bran muffin journalism, you can subscribe to the Monitor for $15. You’ll get the Monitor Weekly magazine, the Monitor Daily email, and unlimited access to CSMonitor.com.

QR Code to Happy Halloween! No loser candy or mean monster here
Read this article in
QR Code to Subscription page
Start your subscription today