McMillan says that feeling bad about yourself can often sneak up on you. "Self-hate is also a shape-shifter," she wrote. "And one of its favorite ways to present itself is through the idea that nothing is good enough for you. This is why you reject people and things that could make you truly happy, in favor of peopple and things that will satisfy the self-hate. For instance, you decide to stay on unemployment and wait for your dream job instead of accepting a decent-but-can't-immediately-see-how-it's-going-to-get-you-the-career-you-want job that will let you support yourself and your kid." McMillan says to start being nice to yourself as soon as possible. "Your ability to be compassionate and kind to someone – even when that someone has just done something really stupid, and even when that someone is you – comes from your ability to be compassionate and kind to yourself," she wrote.