How to know when

You know your tennis needs work when your partner keeps eyeing the game in the next court.

After she did it again this week I began to think of other "You know ... when" signs to look out for.

On the Internet I found lists of them; for instance, ways you know when you're addicted to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." (I wasn't.)

But the following had not yet been posted:

You know....

You're so last-century when The New York Times begins to seem racy.

You're not Matt Damon when the National Park Service lady offers you a Golden Age Passport.

You're history when you'd rather listen to Fats Waller than Eminem.

You should stick to shopping online when the clothing-store clerk asks if your weight has changed.

You're a nerd when software problems are as much fun as your boyhood Erector set.

Your jokes aren't going over when your grandchild picks up a book.

You've picked the wrong TV channel when your spouse picks up a book.

Please add your own signs and stir.

No signs are forever, of course. You know they can change when you fix your computer by turning it off and turning it on again.

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