As the new year begins, a host of companies is unveiling products to help consumers find the right work-life balance in 2008. Here are a few entries featured in our new product catalog:
TIME TRACKER II: For those who often wonder where the day went, scientists at Dell have developed a search engine powerful enough to track where time actually goes. At last you can easily print out a spreadsheet showing how many minutes you devoted last Thursday to changing the cat box or reading a position paper by Ron Paul.
META TIVO: Engineers at Sony have invented a device that helps you stop living in the moment. The TiVo for life allows you to record significant events and watch them later, when you might have more time available. A press of a button will preserve all those memories – weddings, birthday parties, mud-wrestling tournaments – that you're just too busy to experience now.
TIME PEACE: The geniuses at Rolex have introduced a watch that's clairvoyant. Featuring special sensors, it reads your mind at any given moment and then automatically tells you the time you wish it would be.
MOOD SYNTHESIZER: For those who always feel misunderstood, technicians at Radio Shack can convert you – your identity, your spiritual essence – to a high-definition format. The store now sells a device that is guaranteed to improve how everyone perceives you within 30 days or you get a new set of behavior patterns installed.
Other products slated to arrive in 2008 are still in the embryonic phase. One company, for instance, is testing a bathroom mirror that makes you appear more intelligent than you are, while another is developing a private jet that can fly so fast through earlier time zones that you can get back to your weight in high school.
Coupons, by the way, are available on Page 12 for a company that rents cars sensitive to roadway etiquette. The vehicles automatically alert you when you're driving like a jerk.