Sarah and I have been a committed couple for roughly fifteen years, including our courtship and marriage. During that time, we’ve had the opportunity to give each other many gifts due to anniversaries and birthdays and Christmases and just special occasions.
When I look back on those gifts, the ones I remember the most clearly weren’t the most expensive ones or the ones that I wound up enjoying the most. The ones I remember were the ones where Sarah put thought into the gift and made a genuine effort to either make or find something unique and special that I would like.
It’s those special, sincere gifts that I remember most fondly.
One great example of this type of sincere gift was when Sarah made me several dozen handmade krumkake and wrapped them in a box. (Krumkake, for those unaware, is a very light Norwegian waffle cookie.)
The ingredients for these cookies didn’t cost much at all. What it took was a lot of thoughtfulness and a little bit of time. She had witnessed me enjoying the cookies at one of her family gatherings and conceived of the idea on her own.
Sarah doesn’t remember the times I purchased roses for her, but she does remember the time I went into a farmer’s field and picked a ton of wild flowers for her for a bouquet.
She doesn’t remember most of the gifts I’ve bought her, but she does remember the letters I wrote her when we were apart while we were first dating.
She doesn’t remember the first time we went out to eat together, but she remembers the first time I prepared a meal at home.
What’s the key thing here? In each case, the thing given to the other person was sincere and from the heart. It took time and love and care and thought to make it, something that rarely exists with purchased gifts or purchased meals.
If you want to build a lasting relationship, give gifts of sincerity. Don’t give nothing, and don’t give something that’s simple or obvious, either.
Watch the person you’re with. Think about what they really enjoy. Put in the homework and the effort on your own to find the right thing for that person or, even better, make the right thing for that person.
Rather than just fulfilling an obligation, you’ll build a connection and memories that will last a lifetime, and they’ll probably cost you far less as well.
This post is part of a yearlong series called “365 Ways to Live Cheap (Revisited),” in which I’m revisiting the entries from my book “365 Ways to Live Cheap,” which is available at Amazon and at bookstores everywhere.