Clean up the prose in Aisle 3!

The Wall Street Journal reports (May 20, 2002) that Gregory Josefowicz, president of Borders books, plans to remake the company with the benefit of his 22 years in the grocery industry.

DEAR Valued Employee:

Some of you have expressed concern that changes at Borders will negatively impact the book-buying experience in our new Super Stores. Not so. The fact is, Borders will be better than ever!

From the moment shoppers push their wire carts through the automatic doors, they'll know Borders Has the Freshest Literature in Town(TM). We'll replace those dreary shelves with brightly lit counters, where the fruits of our labor can be attractively displayed.

And as soon as the technical details are worked out, special misting machines will keep our purple prose so ripe you'll think it was just written!

Today's readers appreciate tasty tales that are simple to prepare and easy to digest. This summer, we'll introduce an attractive line of savory Lite Books that we know busy parents will eat up!

Consumers want clear information about what they serve their families. That's why Borders has led the industry effort to print an expiration date on the back of every cover. Expanded ingredient labels will help readers protect themselves from strange ideas.

And everyone's sure to love our new specialty counters! Whether it's a half-baked novel or a pound of freshly butchered prose, we've got something for every occasion.

Together, we can serve up a delectable platter of great literature!

Yours, Greg

• Ron Charles is the Monitor's book editor and an occasional satirist.

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