It was almost more than I could bear. Our son was suddenly gone, and I was drowning in grief. I asked someone to pray with me, desperate for light in the terrible darkness. This helper advised me to look for angels whenever I felt I was going under. He said they were on the job nonstop to embrace me, lift me, and heal my wounds. These angels, God's most powerful rescue workers, come to us in many ways, mainly through thought, and they're allowed to do their work most completely when we open our hearts to them and let them help us.
My heart was so weighed down that everyone, not just angels, had a mighty task getting through. Not only was I hurting, but by the second day I was angry. Where was God?
"I don't want to think about God," I almost shouted at a friend. She quietly replied, "That's OK. He's thinking about you." This instantly canceled the anger. She had shared a loving angel-idea that hit home, making the way clear for more angels to succeed.
We moved right after the tragedy, and I was suddenly overcome with sorrow as I unpacked. Collapsing on the back porch, a strange cat pushed his way onto my lap and nestled his head into my neck, purring loudly. He was "under orders" to deliver love. The despair dropped away as the love was accepted.
Soon after, I was invited to a local church for a special dinner and was placed with parents happily chatting about their children. This was salt in the wound. Just before self-pity turned to sobs, the thought came to look up. I mentally complained, "I'm trying to look up" - up from earth's turmoil to heaven's peace - when the angel-thought repeated more strongly, "LOOK UP!" So I did.
On the opposite wall was a painting of Jesus laughing. I'd never seen such a depiction. He knew the cross was coming, but still lived life with joy. If Jesus, with such a burden, could do it, so could I. Grief once again temporarily fell away.
But a few months later, things were very dark. How could you go on living in a world where such awful things happen to the innocent? I decided I couldn't.
One day, as I was taking a walk, I quickly planned to step in front of a large, oncoming truck. As it neared, I heard an angel-intuition:
"What if it were you?"
"What if you had passed away? Would you want your son to live in constant grief or to commit suicide?"
"No! I'd want him to go on with his life and be happy" was my answer.
"Then do it!" was the response.
Bit by bit, with the help of more angels, the sorrow finally left. Deathless love prevailed. Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of the Monitor, described angels as "God's thoughts passing to man; spiritual intuitions, pure and perfect; the inspiration of goodness, purity, and immortality, counteracting all evil, sensuality, and mortality" ("Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures," pg. 581).
Custom-fit angels are assigned to each of us "in all [our] ways" (see Ps. 91:11), whether those "ways," or circumstances, are bleak or rosy. Look for them. Listen to them. They can, and will, "heal thee of thy wounds" (see Jer. 30:17), lift you up, and help you see God's goodness still intact here on earth.
Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.