My selective resume is an impressive one
In the lobby of my SoHo building, I encounter actors arriving for casting calls held in a studio above my office.
I, too, once graced the stage. I would like to resume my career as an actor. To start the process, I have prepared a curriculum vitae highlighting my theatrical achievements.
Nota bene: Only italicized portions of the following will appear on my CV. All other information is shared with the reader in strictest confidence.
I have performed in plays of William Shakespeare.
In elementary school we performed Shakespeare plays in the seventh and eighth grades. Roles were assigned on the basis of academic achievement. The biggest roles went to the best students.
In "Julius Caesar," I was a soothsayer. I had one line. Soothsayer to Caesar: "Beware the ides of March." Caesar paid no heed, to his everlasting regret.
In "Macbeth," I was Siward, Earl of Northumberland and general of the English forces. Impressive-sounding, but the teacher cut most of my lines.
I also have appeared in plays from classical antiquity.
In college I had a hundred lines in "Rudens (The Rope)," by Plautus, performed in Latin.
I played Gripus, a fisherman who is a slave with high aspirations. "When I am free ... and when I've made a grand name for myself, I'll build a great big city with walls around it, and call it Gripusburg to immortalize my glorious career, and found a great big empire there."
My costume was a wolfskin purchased in a used-clothing store in Central Square, Cambridge, Mass. I wandered around the stage reciting Latin and slapping fellow actors in the face with a fish purchased fresh each day in Harvard Square.
Based on my success in this role, or an inability to find anyone else, the Classics Club invited me back to perform in "The Clouds," by Aristophanes, in Greek.
At the play's conclusion, as the "Thinkery" of Socrates is in flames, a pupil - me - rushes onto the stage yelling, "Help! Help!" (Dear reader, I would like to share with you in the original Greek my one line, but, alas, the printer lacks the necessary characters.)
Languages: English, Latin, Greek (ancient).
An impressive CV. Roles demanding the skills of an actor trained in the classics are certain to come my way.
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