RECENTLY I felt great dissatisfaction with myself. At the end of almost every day, I'd criticize myself for being lazy, wasting time, and not structuring my day in any orderly fashion.
No matter how hard I tried to ``turn over a new leaf,'' I still found myself sleeping a bit too late, not keeping the house clean, running behind with meal preparation for my family, and most distressing of all, failing to take enough time to study the Bible and pray to God, as I had been taught in Christian Science. And even when I did get around to praying, it was halfhearted.
``I'm such a selfish person,'' I thought. ``I'm so apathetic.'' ``I don't have my act together.'' This attitude became my constant companion.
I urgently needed to be healed--both of the lackadaisical approach to living and of my attitude of self-condemnation. Finally I took a quiet moment one afternoon and turned wholeheartedly to God for inspiration.
In the stillness of this com-munion with God, divine Mind, I remembered that according to the Bible, God is not the author of destructive and paralyzing thoughts, nor does He cause me to be neglectful or inefficient. Jeremiah records: ``I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end'' (29:11). God is the only Mind, or intelligence, reigning benevo-lently over all, and what He creates--man and the universe--is spiritual and good.
What I was struggling with, then, was the devious suggestions of mortal mind, the counterfeit of the divine Mind. Mortal mind's subtle whisperings were coming to me disguised as my own thought, trying to make me deny that I was God's image and likeness. But mortal mind's lies have no power to change reality.
Through the power of God's grace, I rapidly began to awake from this delusive barrage of falsehood. In earnest prayer, I began to affirm that I was the very expression of God's being, a spiritual idea reflecting the goodness, peace, and intelligence of divine Mind. Equally vehement was my mental denial that I could unwittingly act out the machinations of evil and then blame myself.
God, immortal Mind, is the life and substance of my being. He is the only reality and controlling power. I had Biblical authority for these facts. Then, I reasoned, mortal mind and its suggestions must be illusions, without power or authority.
After praying this way, I felt refreshed and unburdened. I eagerly looked forward to the next day, knowing that it was my purpose, as it is everyone's, to glorify God, good, and not evil. The change in my behavior was immediately noticeable. In the following days, I felt as though I was simply free to be what God created me to be: joyful, productive, obedient, and satisfied.
In her book Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy, the Discoverer of Christian Science, writes: ``God is not the author of mortal discords. Therefore we accept the conclusion that discords have only a fabulous existence, are mortal beliefs which divine Truth and Love destroy'' (p. 231).
Self-disparagement makes it harder to demonstrate the good we hope for. But we start on the road to healing when we recognize and reject mortal mind's sinful suggestions that our spiritual selfhood as God's beloved creation can ever be less than good.
St. Paul wrote to the Romans: ``The good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me'' (7:19, 20). Mortal mind is the sinner. Through its false accusations, it attempts to dethrone God and His government of man. But what it tries to do, it really can't. Not for one moment would God allow His children to be pawns of a deceitful mind. The power of Christ, which witnesses to God's omnipotence, casts out mortal mind as unreal.
What joy is ours when we begin to awake to immortal Mind's supremacy--and to our God-given dominion! Then each moment of our day cannot help uttering His praise.
Trust in the Lord,
and do good;
so shalt thou dwell in the land,
and verily thou shalt be fed.
Delight thyself also in the Lord;
and he shall give thee
the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the Lord;
trust also in him;
and he shall bring it to pass.
And he shall bring forth thy righteousness
as the light,
and thy judgment as the noonday.
. . .The steps of a good man
are ordered by the Lord:
and he delighteth
in his way.
Psalms 37:3-6, 23