Topic: Jeffrey Shaffer

Don’t tap me for ‘Dancing With the Stars’

I like living anonymously, so no one with a cell phone can inadvertently record me having a nasty encounter with a pet or tap me to be on a TV show.

Super Bowl halftime becomes a full-time venture

Entertainment will soon include everything from SpongeBob, to the Westminster Kennel Club dog show, to an ‘Iron Chef America’ smackdown between Rachel Ray and Martha Stewart.

Ten tips to avoid buying the wrong house

Be wary of putting money down when neighborhood kids set up a stand across the street selling ‘Discount Tattoos.’

Holiday greetings – from my refrigerator

Instead of a card, we’re putting our year-end letter this year online, where you can access the webcam showing our backyard compost pile.

My idea of skiing is sitting on the sofa

I don’t like getting cold. I’m also a big fan of friction and traction.

Joe Biden, time for you to choose a pet

Forget Obama’s dog. The vice president should establish his independence with a ferret or bee hive.

Ten ways to tell your hotel is too much of a bargain

When the registration card asks you to fill in next of kin and a sign in the lobby says: ‘Llamas can’t be left unattended in room.’

This year, Halloween needs a government bailout

With the recession deepening, I won’t be giving out Godiva chocolates and truffles anymore. Think sunflower seeds, one at a time.

Let’s bailout Wall Street, Main Street ... and Podhurst Lane?

Lawmakers only talk about the two streets, but everyone on all the other cul-de-sacs and avenues says: We’re broke, too.

How to enhance youth soccer

Let’s put in inflatable tunnels for the kids to run through and portable luxury boxes for the parents.

Eight rumors you can leak to revive a political campaign

Just suggest that your opponent lipsyncs his speeches and bones up on economics by listening to Led Zepplin albums played backwards.

One school’s unusual changes in the hallways and cafeteria

Lunchroom will have ‘judgment-free’ seating area and all-access TV will allow parents to monitor whether their kids are wearing ninja clothes to class.

One man’s plea to keep hair styles out of politics

He doesn’t want candidates to become tagged with the ‘blow-dried look’ like bushy-maned John Kerry was in 2004.

Modern travel: flying the frugal skies

aviation, flying, planes, fuel costs, humor

What you don't know about the presidential candidates

Little-known polls show that people would prefer Obama to water their plants and McCain to wash the car.

What you don't know about the presidential candidates

Little-known polls show that people would prefer Obama to water their plants and McCain to wash the car.

What you don't know about the presidential candidates

Little-known polls show that people would prefer Obama to water their plants and McCain to wash the car.

Fuel-saving tips you might have overlooked

Try vacationing at a neighbor's house instead of driving great distances. It saves on gas.

Fuel-saving tips you might have overlooked

Try vacationing at a neighbor's house instead of driving great distances. It saves on gas.

Hey, pundits: Trade hypotheticals for history

Posing questions to the candidates without concrete context takes us in circles.

What the voice commands for tomorrow's cars should be

What the voice commands for tomorrow's cars should be

Instead, of 'call home,' we should be asking our cars, 'Did I have my wallet with me when we left the house?'

Why I like some spam in my e-mail

Without it, how would I know about those 'imitation' Rolex watches?

I need a GPS system for my nail clippers

One man's solution for not losing household items: Buy multiple replacements and hide them everywhere.

Advice for graduating seniors

Life isn't about 'being the best you can be.' It's about recycling tuna cans, paying your auto insurance on time, and cleaning roof gutters.