Bobsled

Bobsledding (Bobsleighing, actually) is an outdoor team sport in which two or four close friends ride an open sled, down an ice covered track, cut into a cliff – on purpose. Bobsledding first became popular in the late 19th century in Switzerland – the home of cheese with holes in it and yodeling – and was included in the first Winter Olympic Games in 1924. Most racing bobsleds are equipped with brakes, but their use during the 'timing run' is frowned upon, as it exhibits an excessive will to live. The captain of the bobsled sits at the front, or the "I picked the short straw" point of the sled, and navigates the course at speeds that can reach 90 mph. The rest of the team holds on tight, closes their eyes, and hopes for the best.

Hockey

Hockey is a team sport played on ice, and considered by some to be the world's fastest team sport – a sixty minute game taking as little as three hours. The origins of modern ice hockey are a matter of debate, but it is generally agreed that the precursor to the modern rules of the sport were set in the mid- to late-1800s, and have been faithfully ignored to this day.

The goal of ice hockey is to get a Goal. (Hence the name.) The opposing team tries to prevent this with such skills as: cross checking, tripping, hooking, slashing, and spearing. For all of these defenses, the players are equipped with the Hockey Stick, which, oddly enough, was not originally designed as a weapon. In fact the purpose of the Stick is to fire a hard rubber disk, or Puck, past the Goalie, into the Goal, in order to score a Goal, which is the goal. (Hockey players are not known for their extensive vocabularies.)

Hockey games are 'controlled' (for want of a better term) by two or three officials, and several thousand fans. (Fans being an abbreviation of the term, fanatic.) The Fans are usually partisan, and occasionally dangerous, especially as the officials are not armed with Hockey Sticks. This may account for the fact that, unlike most sports, Hockey Referees don't so much enforce the rules as 'interpret' them. A rose may be a rose, may be a rose, but a Tripping call can depend as much on the players' dramatic skills, the score, how much time is left in the game, and which team was penalized last, as on whether a rule was actually broken. Some believe this practice diminishes the integrity of the game. Others ask, 'What integrity?'

Figure skating

While figure skating and hockey take place in similar venues, there are several important differences between the two activities – the most obvious being that in hockey, physical assaults upon one's opponent usually take place on the ice surface. (See Harding, Tonya.)

A second major difference involves scoring. While the winner of a hockey game is simply determined by whoever scores the most goals, Figure Skating is a bit more involved. Indeed, some skeptics believe that victors in a Figure Skating competition are determined less by merit than by past history, mood, politics, bribes, barometric pressure, phases of the moon, and previously negotiated, reciprocal back-scratching agreements between judges.

This is not entirely true.

The rules of Figure Skating are actually quite simple. Winners are determined on the basis of two performances, except Ice Dancers, who perform three times – but all performances are scored on the criteria of Required Elements and Presentation (except the 'Free Skate' which is scored on Technical Merit and Presentation (except for Ice Dancers, who are scored on Composition and Presentation, except when they're being scored on Technical Merit and Artistic Impression)).

Scoring individual performances is even less complicated. Nine judges score each performance on a scale from 6 (a perfect performance) to 0 (competitor left skates in the hotel room). This, of course, assumes that the judges can successfully negotiate a numeric keypad. (There is precedent to show this is not always the case – see Sylvie Frechette.) What then happens to those 0-6 scores does get a bit more involved, but this example regarding Ice Dancing Rules, from the US Olympic Committee website shows that the procedure is still quite elementary...

"Following the conclusion of all phases of competition, each team's place is multiplied to determine the overall winner. The places of each of the two compulsory dances is multiplied by 0.2. The two compulsory numbers are added to the original dance place multiplied by 0.6. Finally, the total of these three numbers is added to the total of the free dance place multiplied by 1.0."*

And then, the judges factor in past history, mood, politics, bribes, barometric pressure, phases of the moon, and previously negotiated, reciprocal back-scratching agreements – and declare the winners.

But aren't the costumes pretty!

(* Some reformers suggest that multiplying any number by 1 – not to mention 1.0 – is, well, redundant, and should be abandoned. Traditionalists, however, feel such attention to unnecessary detail helps to maintain the mystique of their profession.)

Speed skating and short track speed skating

The oldest of the ice skate sports, Oval Track Speed Skating is yet another variation on the uniquely human fascination with going nowhere as quickly as possible. (See also, Indianapolis 500.) Participating in the fastest human-powered sport in the world, Oval Track Speed Skaters 'race the clock' over a 400-meter track at speeds that can exceed 40 mph.

Held on a hockey-sized ice surface, Short Track Speed Skating is quickly gaining popularity among fans who feel that the one thing Speed Skating really needs is chaos. Rather than having two skaters, restricted to their own lanes and racing the clock on a nice roomy course, Short Track events require that participants race each other on the smaller ice surface (111 meters in length) in packs of four to six skaters at a time. (When that gets too boring, relay races can place 16 skaters on the ice – as four members each from four teams take turns on the track.)

Some might think that this arrangement is simply asking for trouble Granted, infractions may occur with an impressive consistency, and races are decided by disqualifications as often as they are by speed, but those who would compare the sport to Roller Derby are missing an important difference – two razor sharp, 15 inch blades per competitor.

Roller Derby is for sissies.

Downhill skiing, Super G, Slalom, and Giant Slalom

All four of these events are familiar to viewers, and practiced – after a fashion – by anyone who skis for recreation. Downhill Skiing simply awards medals to the fastest competitor down the hill – no secret formulas, no points for style, no chance to interfere with one's competitors. Super G, Slalom, and Giant Slalom simply add more turns – forcing skiers to negotiate a series of 'gates' on the way down. (For the recreational skier, the role of the gates is played by all those slow people getting in your way on your hill.)

But while these sanctioned sports may not require additional explanation, the unofficial sport of the Alpine Skiing events – the De-Ski- can be just as exciting. This competition is based on how quickly after crossing the finish line each skier can remove and display one of his or her skis to the television cameras – prominently displaying the ski-maker's logo. Since non-sanctioned endorsements are not permitted at the Games, it should be made clear that this is not an attempt to advertise a given ski manufacturing company in hopes of getting a bit of extra sponsorship consideration – it's simply a friendly side-note on the part of the participants, and their competitive spirit is obvious in the speed with which they maneuver the boards into shot. (Indeed, some especially eager contenders have been known to try to remove a ski before even crossing the finish line – with predictably unfortunate results.)

You won't get official scoring on the televised broadcasts – so have your stopwatch handy.

Snowboarding – The Half Pipe

Two Snowboarding events will be held at the 2002 Olympic Games, the Parallel Giant Slalom, (see Giant Slalom, then subtract one ski, and add one competitor per run) and the Half-Pipe.

You may be more familiar with the basics of the Half-Pipe than you think. Anyone who has seen skateboarders relentlessly pursuing legal summonses on neighborhood ramps, stairways, and skate parks will have witnessed the origins of the Half-Pipe. But even more exciting than the aerobatic maneuvers that will be attempted during competition is the unique vocabulary of the sport...

"Dude, I was doin' a Blindside Backside Burger-Flip when I Busted a Beat Bail after Bonking a bystander. What a Crater, man."

And we haven't even made it to the "D"s.

While some meaning of the previous quote might be inferred by the lay person on the basis of context, much of this alien sub-language can only be understood after years of intensive training. For example, the uninitiated may never fully grasp the difference between Melonchollie air (aerial trick where the snowboarder reaches behind the front leg with the front hand and grabs the board's heel edge between the bindings while boning – straightening – the front leg) and Mosquito air (aerial trick where the snowboarder reaches behind the front leg with the front hand and grabs the board's heel edge between the bindings with the front knee bent to touch the board) unless they have an interpreter on hand. And the fact that many Half-Pipe color commentators sound like they just dropped out of Ridgemont High can make informed spectating an even more challenging assignment.

But if you feel up to this challenge, a glossary of more than 100 of Half-Pipe terms can be found at the (CBC's Olympic site).

Dude!

Ski jumping

While Half-Pipe Snowboarders might like to think of theirs as an "Extreme" sport, it's a far cry from launching off a 394 foot hill at 60 miles per hour.

Sondre Nordheim, the "father of skiing," is credited with the first officially measured ski jump, (1860) winning the first known jumping competition, (1866) and the design of the first effective ski bindings. (Before these bindings, skis might jettison during flight like burnt-out solid rocket boosters, and competitors had to follow 'lift off' with the 'very fast running before landing' maneuver.)

Nordheim's breakthrough bindings would be considered primitive today, as equipment has continued to evolve, and now includes outfits designed to increase jumping distance, and helmets given the assignment of protecting the brains that decided that flying off a 400 foot ramp at 60 mph was a good idea. But "Safety First" is a phrase that has been heard by several members of the Ski Jumping community from time to time, and it is frequently pointed out that hills at the venues are contoured so that a jumper in flight is never more than 15 to 20 feet off the ground. (Nevertheless, spectators must always be alert, as falling 15 feet at 60 mph creates a very large, very fast-moving human snowball.)

Some may not realize that Ski Jumpers are judged on style as well as distance – so merely surviving a competition is often not enough to guarantee a podium position. As an example, flapping the arms during flight (standard procedure in the 1932 Olympics) would be penalized today – as would covering one's eyes, or pulling the ripcord. Landings should always be skis-first – and ideally skis-only, but to quote an old pilot's adage, "Any landing you can walk away from is a good one." (See also, Eddie the Eagle.)

Curling

Also called "Chess on Ice" and "the Roaring Game" (and less frequently, "Kevin"), Curling relies more on strategy and finesse than on brute strength and endurance – and as such, more than any other sport, keeps alive the dreams of Olympic Gold for the overweight and over-40 around the world. This also means that Curling stands alone as the sport least likely to be rocked by a drug scandal during the 2002 Games.

Still, Curling may also be one of the sports most difficult for the uninitiated to understand, as players seem to scream with more frequency (and more volume) than spectators, spend a good deal of their time frantically sweeping what appears to be a perfectly clean sheet of ice, and call the most junior member of their team the 'Lead.'

In fact, the basic rules of Curling are quite simple. Two teams of four players take turns sliding 16 42-pound stones at a series of concentric circles roughly 100 feet away, attempting to hit the center Button – or Tee- with their own Stones, and/or push away the Stones of their opponents. (Sweeping briefly melts the ice surface to affect a Stone's distance and direction.) Once all 16 Stones have been thrown, one team will score a point for each stone that is closer to the Tee than their opponent's nearest Stone. This is an "End" – which is rather deceptive, as this End is only the beginning. Once the score is recorded, everybody turns around and does the same thing on the other direction, which is another End. In fact the game only ends after ten Ends – unless there is a tie, in which case there are extra Ends. (Theoretically, there can be no end of Ends before the end – but when Curling enters the realms of philosophy, we all lose.)

In terms of equipment, Curling 'brushes' have come a long way from the original corn brooms, and are now much more efficient instruments for leaning on between shots. And while the competitor's attire hasn't paralleled the advancements made in some other sports, nobody really wants to see a curler in skin-tight Lycra.