Taking another approach

By Alex Noble | October 19, 1979

[This best-loved story was recommended by Margaret Bull, a reader, who writes, "Other people may think of a great article about a war ending or an article about the first walk on the moon. I think for many women a story that touches their individual life in some small but significant way holds more value and becomes a cherished memory."]

I am unhappy about something, and so I complain about it to myself, and to others. My friends, meaning well, give me sympathy. Their sympathy makes me feel more justified in my misery, and becomes an invitation to even greater unhappiness. I tell my unhappy story so many times that it becomes invincible, impenetrable. I take all the bricks of my grievances and build a doorless, windowless room around myself–a room without light or air. I come to believe in my unhappiness so completely that I do not hear even the words of one or two wise friends who refuse to accept my sorrows, and suggest that I stop complaining and start doing my best with whatever good is at hand.

Then, at last, I realize how ridiculous this all is, and how much time, thought, and energy I have been wasting in fruitless negativism. I know better, and resolve to take another approach. My worst failures at trying to make things better must surely be an improvement over my complaints that refuse to see beyond the problem at hand. As Rabinandrath Tagore puts it “When my eyes are filled with tears, I cannot see the stars.” I come to realize that it is a matter of perspective, that misery and complaint only open the way to more misery and complaint, whereas diligent hope and uncomplaining optimism clear out the channels of thought so that true ideas can flow freely toward whatever adjustments, corrections, and enlightenments are needed.