Enjoy the socks!

By Klaus-Hendrik Herr

If young parents would ask me what I found to be the most important thing in enjoying a family experience, I would filter it down to one thing:

Enjoy the socks!

I do not mean here the often overwhelming problem of sock-eating washing machines (the solution here is to have black multi-fit socks for all in the family – but that is another story). I rather think of socks as reminder for all communication issues in a family. I think of the crumbled socks of all colours in the hallway of our house which showed up regularly, for reasons I will never be able to understand, I think of the socks in MY way, and eye, when coming home, yearning for a socks-free home atmosphere of comfort, beauty and orderliness. Well, that was not always the case, and there were times and even weeks in a row when I was sorely tested by those colourful little somethings in the hallway and after so many well-meant instructions to our children where socks belong.

Finally, however, there was a point of life-changing inspiration, a clear thought just hit me when standing in the door and seeing socks again. The thought was this: love the feet the socks were on a while ago! Love the person with those wonderful naked feet. Love the reason why there are socks in your way. Just enjoy that this child is! The socks can be the most practical reminders of the very richness of knowing the child that normally wears those socks. Enjoy the socks, because they stand for a treasure in your life that needs to be celebrated every day, every hour. Hating socks, being disturbed by socks distracts you from loving and enjoying. Life can be so good! Socks are great!!!! I laughed, I smiled, I felt so rich. Compare that to the feelings of a sock-hypnotized mind just a moment before. What a joy imagining those naked feet running toward me – for a hug.

That instance changed my perspective. It also became a reminder for other instances where another perspective was needed. It helped tolerance to take place in a much greater way. It helped to quench self-centered thinking and behaviours. It still does. It let me see that we are not here to get socks out of our way; imagine how differently you meet the child, if the socks are not a problem, but a banner, sign, representation for the ones you love.

The great thing about it, and perhaps that is the mystery behind it, is: when you operate on “the sock is not a problem mode” - opportunities in communication with all in the family open up! There is trust, because there is readiness to accept new ideas, to accept modes or change modes of conduct, which helps to make life easier. The mentality is no longer looking for things that went wrong. Such a mentality can be more opaque than a rock, and such rocks can hurt more than the socks. It can be a wall that limits any communication from the beginning, taking away joy, and opportunities to help others to grow. It is like a garden not watered, not enjoyed, for superficial reasons. We don\’t want that! We want life in it\’s fullest meaning and richness. That’s why we love the socks.

Now look for opportunities to apply the “love-the-socks-principle” in other areas of life, in other age-phases of your children. There may be times where communication demands of us much more patience and enduring love than ever before; the socks-problem was nothing in comparison. But we are prepared! We see the true person behind situations which are not so appealing. We remember that the very fact, that we have to deal with certain challenges in the family are just reminders to look for those loved ones, and their freedom, and goodness behind the problem. Forget the problem. See the person, the loved one. Then the problem is nothing but a crumbled sock, a reminder!

Klaus-Hendrik Herr, Berlin, Germany