Jim Regan -- Site Reviews
Word Police Academy
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Dum-da-dum-dum ...
This is the language: English. I read here. I carry a badge.
Dum-da-dum-dum-DUMM ...
Crimes against the English language are nothing new. Years ago, subversive elements insisted that "The rine in spine fell minely on the pline."
Today, university presidents express hopes that proposals are "doable," while book reviewers (book reviewers) declare new releases to be "unputdownable." Fast-food outlets claim to "do chicken right," and "irregardless" is running rampant on our streets.
Yes, these are dark times. But take heart, good citizens of English, for now there is a force sworn to protect, if not every aspect of the language, at least its grammar – and if you're interested, the Word Police Academy is accepting applicants.
Part of the Atlantic Unbound Web site (the online presence of The Atlantic Monthly magazine), the Word Police Academy hopes to safeguard English grammar, by testing and/or educating applicants through a series of entrance exams, and then sending them out on patrol with the power to issue "Grammar Citations" whenever they discover violations. While the approach here is clearly tongue-in-cheek, the tests are educational, and in a time when a university graduates' writing can make a ninth-grade English teacher weep, every little bit helps.
Currently, the Academy is screening potential members of the Numbers Unit ("Word Police officers should take prides in their work"), though visitors can still find entrance exams for the Pronoun Patrol ("I will now read you your rights"), the Mistaken Identity Squad ("We wanted to parlay/parley with him about giving himself up"), and the Anti-Redundancy Squad ("When Word Police officers have a suspect almost entirely surrounded, they're being wasteful"). Each test includes five multiple-choice questions, and a final problem for those who successfully complete the first round.
Successful completion of any exam brings the visitor to a page with personalized certificates of graduation and printable Grammar Citation forms. (Unfortunately, while the forms contain an extensive list of offenses, they can't possibly be complete, and there is no space made available for such "other" violations as "ATM machine" or "Hopefully, gas prices will fall soon.")
Providing additional guidance and entertainment – and available to graduates and washouts alike – The Court Record offers a collection of recent Word Court columns from The Atlantic Monthly's print edition, as well as a large collection of requests and suggestions for Word Fugitives ("words that don't yet exist – but should"). Citizen's Arrests encourages surfers to submit their own evidence of crimes against the language, to be posted on the Web site.
With the Word Police on the job, English may one day be safe to walk the streets again. All the streets, that is, except Madison Avenue.
The Word Police Academy can be found at http://www.theatlantic.com/unbound/wordpolice/.
Jim Regan provides 'Today's Links' to the e--Monitor. He lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.