Heading off a wave of Middle East protest with flame-retardant underwear

Ali Latif at the British Iraqi Forum imagines regional leaders brainstorming ways to head off uprisings modeled on Tunisia's (H/T MEA).

Egyptian delegate: The point remains that we have to find a way to stop people from setting themselves alight.

Algerian delegate: That’s true, we’ve tried to ban match sticks and lighters but people got even angrier and started protesting about not being able to smoke or light their ovens.

Egyptian delegate: No, no. We need to come up with something a lot more creative.

Syrian delegate: Well our staff in Damascus have come up with an idea of supplying everyone with free but flame-retardant underwear. People were a bit suspicious but hey, it was free, so no one refused our gifts especially as they had the Beloved Leader’s portrait on them.

In his telling, the Jordanian delegate suggests arming cops with water-pistols and the Saudi one tries to drum up a fatwa against self-immolation.