Spike Lee and Geraldo: Why is a good apology so hard to find?
The number of reported public apologies has skyrocketed recently, yet the quality of those apologies is plummeting. The trend appears to have captured Spike Lee and Geraldo Rivera.
Public apologies are so common these days that multiple websites have sprung up just to keep track of who is asking forgiveness of whom. Effectiveapology.com, for instance, has a blog with the “apology of the week,” and the just-launched terribleapologies.tumblr.com ranks the worst of them.Skip to next paragraph
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This week alone, Geraldo Rivera and Spike Lee are in the apology corner being assessed, evaluated, and rated on the details of their infraction and the effectiveness and sincerity of their public efforts to make amends.
This critical scrutiny of public manners leads to some obvious questions about why we are seeing such an extended effort to recover after making a highly visible faux pas: Why does it seem so hard to apologize these days – have we all forgotten simple early lessons about how to say “sorry"?
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“We are in a pandemic of bad behavior,” says Dr. Aaron Lazare, chancellor and dean emeritus of the University of Massachusetts Medical School in Worcester and author of the 2004 book “On Apology.”
He has studied the frequency of apologies in published news reports from 1900 to the present day and says since the 1980s, “the number of apologies has tripled.” But, he adds, the effectiveness and sincerity of those apologies has plummeted.
“Most of these people simply want to have their cake and eat it too,” he says, noting that the key to a genuine apology is humility and restoration of dignity for the offended party.
“What we’re seeing now is most of these apologies are simply efforts at self-justification and an attempt to show how brilliant they really are, rather than any thought about the victim,” who more often than not, ends up being blamed, he adds.
Spike Lee, meanwhile, has been knocked for merely tweeting his apologies to a Florida couple whose address he mistakenly passed along as being the home of the neighborhood-watch volunteer who shot and killed the Florida teen.
The 24/7 media culture is partly responsible for the explosion of apologies, says Ari Kohen, an associate professor of political science at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln.