Earth Day: Glenn Beck celebrates by cutting down trees
Nothing is more romantic than cutting down trees on Earth Day.Skip to next paragraph
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That is, if you're Glenn Beck.
Cable TV's hottest property celebrated Earth Day in a Rush Limbaugh-like manner earlier today. He even outdid King Ditto. Limbaugh only honored the coal industry, the gasoline powered automobile, the plastic bag, and the electric light today on his program. (Click here to read that).
But Beck chopped down a forest. Kinda.
The popular radio and TV host claimed to have a "forest manager" on his radio program who was calling in from the Cleveland area. The caller was tasked with clear-cutting a full acre of woodland for a deer-hunting property owner.
Explained Tim the woodsman, deer are very curious creatures. So if you cut down a bunch of trees, eventually they'll come over to investigate and the property owner can blast them.
The idea of clear cutting woodland and shooting deer was almost too much for Beck to handle, especially on Earth Day.
"This is not only going to hack off all the environmentalists but all the PETA people, too," he said.
"I need Barry White music," he excitedly announced. "This is almost full-fledged light some candles, this is eroticism."
After the roar of the chainsaw fired up, Beck was told that Tim the forest manager felled two trees specifically for him and his producer.
"I laid down an Aspen tree with Glenn's name on it and an Aspen tree with Stu's name on it," Tim the woodsman announced. "So you are both involved."
But Beck's glee was short-lived. The Aspen trees were too puny he said.
"Don't you have like a big huge oak or something?" Beck asked.
"No, no, we don't cut oak. We cut Aspen and stuff like that and we leave behind the good stuff," the woodsman replied.
When Tim announced he would cut down an American elm, however, Beck's spirits were lifted.
"You go to Central Park, American Elms, those are a big deal because they are almost wiped out and everything else. So I mean, give me another Elm, just give me another American Elm," Beck pleaded.
Wish received. Another elm was cut down.
Tim the woodsman then tried to explain the environmental benefits of culling trees. But did so in a manner that Beck might appreciate.
"When you cut down trees for paper, it's a positive thing because you wind up planting more trees and, you know, over time it's clearly been shown that all these environmental benefits that go to these companies that are supposedly cutting down trees, blah, blah blah, blah blah, they were going to plant them anyway because it's part of their business plan," he explained.
How did Beck describe the experience?
"This is like nirvana here," Beck said.
Publicity stunt or spoof? Yes. Did it enrage some on the left? Yes.
Beck accomplished his goals.
How did the Twitterverse react to Beck today? Mixed.
jazzgirl4 writes: "I think Glenn Beck should host Earth Day next year. Right at the White House. He's done a great job celebrating today!"
Blake_D says: "Made the mistake of watching Glenn beck today to try to broaden my horizons. Sweet lord that man is nuts."
AbiClaus wonders: "What the hell did trees ever do to Glenn Beck?? He's a little too excited about forest management."
Taleof6kids asks: "My son is revving up the chainsaw and cutting a tree down for Earth Day. Should I thank Glenn Beck for this?"
Hey, we'll never chop down your trees. Especially if you follow us on Twitter!