Blagojevich to Letterman: I'm glad you're not on the jury!
As MSNBC's David Shuster wittily said last night, former Governor Rod Blagojevich "finally ended his two-day media blackout yesterday" by appearing on programs ranging from the Today Show to Larry King to Greta Van Susteren to David Letterman.
The Letterman appearance was the most anticipated of the group and provided, of course, many laughs. We told you about the program last night (and we have the video below).
Oddly, the Top Ten List was not about Blago. Rather the target was Olympian Michael Phelps. But that didn't mean there was a lack of B-Rod. Letterman had him on three segments.
In the spirit of Letterman's Top Ten, we provide our own Top Ten list of quotes from last night's show.
10. Dave: "You’re familiar with the joke: The former Governor is in Illinois Prison, down in wherever it is, the federal penitentiary there in Illinois. And he’s working with another inmate and the inmate says to him, ‘You know, Governor, the food was better when you were Governor.'" (audience laughs)
Rod: “I don’t know that joke.” (Rod, audience laughs)
9. Dave: "The more you hear a guy say, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong,’ and the more you hear a guy say, ‘I didn’t have a chance to defend myself,’ the more you begin to think, ‘Eh…something wrong here.’”
Rod: “Well, let me say two things: one, that’s the truth; and two, I’m glad you’re not going to sit on that jury in Illinois.” (audience laughs)
8. Dave: "Boy oh boy. You – I really wouldn’t give your troubles to a monkey on a rock.” (audience laughs)
7. Dave: “Why exactly are you here, honest to God?" (audience laughs)
Rod: (laughs) “Well, you know, I’ve been wanting to be on your show in the worst way for the longest time.”
Dave: “Well, you’re on in the worst way, believe me.” (Rod, audience laughs)
6. Dave: “I was looking down the records here. Otto Kerner, Democrat, governor of the state of Illinois, convicted on 17 counts of bribery, conspiracy, perjury and charges related to accepting bribes. Daniel Walker, Democrat – he was convicted in 1987 of improprieties related to the First American Savings & Loan Association bank, sentenced to seven years, governor. Governor George Ryan, currently serving a six and a half year prison term at a medium security prison and is scheduled to be out – he’ll be out and walking around 2013 (audience, Rod laugh)
“Now, I mean, is this just part of the oath of office that you guys take?” (audience laughs)
5. Rod (responding to the above list): But I’d like your listeners to know and everybody in Illinois and anyone else who’s listening that unlike those, I’ll be vindicated. I did nothing wrong." (audience laughs)
4. Dave: I saw you on ‘The View,’ I saw you on the Rachel Maddow Show, I saw you on the Today Show, I saw you, I think, every other show that is in production currently." (Rod, audience laughs)
3. Dave: “Right now, other people will say, ‘Well, what he’s doing now, he’s working on the jury pool for the spring trial. He’s trying to plead his case, trying to prejudice a group of people so that it will be difficult to get an impartial jury for that trial. Anything?” (audience laughs)
Rod: “No, um – your audience obviously likes you, everything you say, they laugh at. And that wasn’t all that funny, with all due respect.” (Rod, audience laughs)
2. Rod (after Dave plays a relatively tame audio clip from one of Rod's taped conversations) "I was afraid you were going to have some of those other tapes where I sounded like Christian Bale…” (audience laughs).
1. Dave “Do you use shampoo and conditioner?” (Rod, audience laughs)