'Pain & Gain' never comes to life

Director Michael Bay seems to have forgotten he's directing humans rather than robots in his new film.

|
Fred Prouser/Reuters
'Pain & Gain' stars Mark Wahlberg (l.) and Rebel Wilson (r.).

It’s official. Michael Bay, director of the “Transformers” clobberfests, knows how to make movies about humans, too. The problem is, he thinks humans are robots.

“Pain & Gain” is about a trio of knuckleheaded Miami bodybuilders who kidnap a loudmouthed millionaire and take him for everything he’s got, but its resemblance to the “Transformers” movies is patently obvious. Nobody in it seems to possess a nervous system.

The three beefcakes are played by Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson (he doesn’t go by The Rock anymore – pity) and Anthony Mackie. Tony Shalhoub is the nattery Colombian-Jewish kidnapee who, Rasputin-like, refuses to die despite the knuckleheads’ every effort to put him asunder.

All this is apparently based on a true story. Just in case we thought things were getting too outlandish, Bay at one point helpfully flashes on the screen, “This is still a true story.”

Maybe so, but nothing in this movie seems remotely real. Given how much ultra-gory Tarantino-esque mayhem is on view, maybe that’s a good thing. Whereas Tarantino mucks about in real-world stuff, like slavery and the Holocaust, Bay at least keeps his gruesomeness firmly planted in never-never land.That’s not a recommendation, just an observation.

Next up for Bay: “Transformers 4.” But didn’t he just make it? Grade: C (Rated R for bloody violence, crude sexual content, nudity, language throughout and drug use.)

You've read  of  free articles. Subscribe to continue.
Real news can be honest, hopeful, credible, constructive.
What is the Monitor difference? Tackling the tough headlines – with humanity. Listening to sources – with respect. Seeing the story that others are missing by reporting what so often gets overlooked: the values that connect us. That’s Monitor reporting – news that changes how you see the world.

Dear Reader,

About a year ago, I happened upon this statement about the Monitor in the Harvard Business Review – under the charming heading of “do things that don’t interest you”:

“Many things that end up” being meaningful, writes social scientist Joseph Grenny, “have come from conference workshops, articles, or online videos that began as a chore and ended with an insight. My work in Kenya, for example, was heavily influenced by a Christian Science Monitor article I had forced myself to read 10 years earlier. Sometimes, we call things ‘boring’ simply because they lie outside the box we are currently in.”

If you were to come up with a punchline to a joke about the Monitor, that would probably be it. We’re seen as being global, fair, insightful, and perhaps a bit too earnest. We’re the bran muffin of journalism.

But you know what? We change lives. And I’m going to argue that we change lives precisely because we force open that too-small box that most human beings think they live in.

The Monitor is a peculiar little publication that’s hard for the world to figure out. We’re run by a church, but we’re not only for church members and we’re not about converting people. We’re known as being fair even as the world becomes as polarized as at any time since the newspaper’s founding in 1908.

We have a mission beyond circulation, we want to bridge divides. We’re about kicking down the door of thought everywhere and saying, “You are bigger and more capable than you realize. And we can prove it.”

If you’re looking for bran muffin journalism, you can subscribe to the Monitor for $15. You’ll get the Monitor Weekly magazine, the Monitor Daily email, and unlimited access to CSMonitor.com.

QR Code to 'Pain & Gain' never comes to life
Read this article in
https://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Movies/2013/0426/Pain-Gain-never-comes-to-life
QR Code to Subscription page
Start your subscription today
https://www.csmonitor.com/subscribe