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Modern Parenthood

Kids leave Facebook as parents spoil the fun

Teens leaving Facebook: One mom knows the reason, and it's MUMPS (Massively Uncool, Middle-aged Parents). 

By Correspondent / December 10, 2013

Screenshot from Facebook.

Kristen Hansen Brakeman/Facebook


By now most have heard the news that teens have abandoned their Facebook pages quicker than they flee when someone yells, “Their parents are home!” at a backyard party.

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But where have they gone? Did they suddenly pick up bat and ball, take to the great outdoors, or have a renewed interest in their academic studies?

No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. They’ve simply moved to other social media sites like Instagram, Snapchat, or Twitter.

Now before you get too worried about the size of Mark Zuckerberg’s retirement account, fear not – teens haven’t deleted their Facebook accounts.  Instead, according to experts, teens now treat their Facebook page as a chore, something you do every week or two like clean your room, make your bed, or finish your chemistry homework.

One wonders what motivated teens to migrate, and why now when Facebook stock is finally rising and the company is so close to its goal of worldwide domination.

Analysts believe that teens left because of MUMPS like me: Massively Uncool, Middle-aged Parents. We “Mommed” it all up, and ruined it for everyone.

We posted mundane pictures of our kids sleeping, we tagged shots of them as naked babies on Throwback Thursday, and we bragged about their drama awards, school dance dates, and soccer trophies with the most distant members of our families.  What’s worse, we even made Grandma join.

But why did we do it?  Is it because we, as parents, always have to spoil the fun?

No! It’s because the experts told us to. They said we needed to stay connected and monitor our teens on social media. These experts scared us into thinking that if we didn’t t keep track of our child’s every move then we’d lose them to creepy forty-five year-old “Catfishers” who would lure them to the nearest Greyhound bus station, or our kids would post pictures of themselves in revealing bathing suits, or even worse – announce to the world that our family has gone away to Maui on vacation.

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