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Modern Parenthood

Facebook access for under-13 kids is good – if parents involved

Facebook is already used by millions of kids under 13 who lie about their ages to gain access. It makes sense that the social media network design specific guidelines for them, including parental permission.

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"'They want their kids to have access to public life. Today, what public life means is participating in commercial sites. They want to help their kids get on these sites and use them responsibly. These are not parents who are saying, ‘Oh, get on Facebook’ and then walk away,' Boyd continued. She’s found from talking with young people and their parents around the country in her field work that “these are parents who have the computer in the living room, they’re having conversations with their kids, they’re often helping them create their accounts to talk to Grandma. They’re helping them actually negotiate all of this. And they want to do it often in the middle school years, when they can actually have reasonable conversations about how to act responsibly and where they can be present in this."

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Guest Blogger

Anne Collier is editor of and co-director of, a Web-based interactive forum and information site for teens, parents, educators, and everybody interested in the impact of the social Web on youth and vice versa. She lives in Northern California and has two sons.

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That presence and guidance from caring adults is even more important for kids of younger ages who are just beginning to negotiate social life on their own. Purely logically, a social network service designed for younger ages and supportive of parental engagement – rather than one with neither of those elements – would be better for the under-13 kids already there. Better than leaving kids to work the online part of this challenging part of growing up completely on their own. And if the service supports parental engagement, parents not already using social media will get on-the-job training.

An educator’s view

“I approach the idea of ‘restricting’ use of these newer social tools in any way with great reservation,” Hawaii educator and behavior health specialist Donnel Nunes told me two years ago. He continued:

"In a perfect world, parents would keep the computer in a visible area and monitor usage and that would solve so many of the problems that we see. As this is rarely the reality and sometimes parents are the ones modeling the problematic behavior, I understand the sense of urgency in trying to find a solution to protect kids. I fully support that urgency. I’m also a little cautious about making correlations between social networking and deviant behavior. I don’t believe there is any evidence to support that social networking = bad choices, bad behavior, etc. I do believe that mobile devices and media have created an opportunity for impulsive behavior to have greater consequences. I also hear about behavior from seventh and eighth graders that, when I was a kid (forgive me for that), did not really start happening until 11th, 12th, and beyond. I like to encourage adults (myself included) to really think about how the paradigm of social interaction has changed with new mobile devices and online tools (such as Facebook, etc). My experience with kids has led me to believe that these forms of communication are every bit as valid as the old way of doings things (face-to-face, phone calls…)."

It’s time for Facebook to do this – and listen to feedback from parents and educators, as well as their young users, so together we can figure this next, much more sound phase of social media the way it logically should be done: in and with participatory media.

The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Anne Collier blogs at NetFamilyNews.

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