Silence, inner sanctimommy! I’m trying to find a parenting style
Don't put your baby on my dinner table, please, my inner sanctimommy said as I was on the way to finding a parenting style.
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The Lego and Polly Pocket detritus would be contained, our home would still be a respite from the chaos (OK, I did mangle my bare feet in the night a few times, but the mess was in her room).
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Senior editor
Clara Germani is a senior editor for the Monitor, based in Boston. She handles in-depth projects, or cover stories, for the weekly print magazine and is the editor of the Monitor's parenting blog, "Modern Parenthood."
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We would not indulge a picky eater (OK, so we romanticized macaroni and cheese from a packet by calling it “pasta,” but she loved blue cheese and sushi before she made it to kindergarten).
We would cultivate a life of the mind for her, she would know the value of “alone time” and figuring out how to entertain herself (OK, so a mother’s group I was in turned shocked faces to me when they heard this concept – "alone time!?" But I never had to peel my daughter off me to get her to enjoy a half-hour playing with her toes, or blocks, or looking at books from infancy on up).
We would travel and she would follow (OK, we did go to Disneyland when she was three, but she peaked her first 14-er in the Rockies at age 9 and prepared and ate her first escargot in France at age 5).
We would not interrupt conversations for her every whim (OK, there were some false starts, but we learned together how it could be minimized and by age 3, she had some manners).
And I would keep my career (OK, I left reporting for editing, but a flexible schedule and good childcare have let me and my daughter have the best of both worlds).
I know – considering the many “mommy war” stories I’ve lived or read over the years – that my style of parenting leaves some parents with as much of the “What do you say?” paralysis I felt over my dinner party centerpiece 20 years ago.
So as I’ve started editing the Modern Parenthood blog, I’ve been prompted to look at the parenting style I tried to cultivate. One thing that helps lower the mommy wars tension is humor – we’re all climbing the same parenting mountain, trying to get our kids to the summit safe, sound, and happy. Our trip-ups along the way can be pretty funny.
Modern Parenthood developed a semi-tongue-in cheek parenting style quiz: Are you a Helicopter Parent? My daughter – now 14 – and I took it together. It was a fun way to suss out “parenting differences” in our own family.
It turns out that my daughter thinks I can be both a Helicopter Parent (ie: a hovering micromanager) and the kind who simply hands the keys to the chopper over to her (ie: lax).
I was glad to hear her say that – if it’s not just wild mood swings of a crazed mother, it may be some positive news that there is some balance in my parenting style that she discerned. At least, according to our very unscientific quiz.
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