Condoms will be distributed at a Brooklyn school prom this year, but will it encourage safer teenage sex? Protesters demonstrate outside Philadelphia's City Hall on March 10, 2004. Public health advocates staged the rally to criticize President Bush's plan to expand abstinence-only education, which protesters said actually hurts sexually active teens. (George Widman/AP)
Condom distribution at prom: Ummm…does it encourage teenage sex?
So parents, how do you feel about this one?
A Brooklyn high school has announced that it will be handing out condoms to students leaving their June 7 prom.
Officials at Bedford-Stuyvesant Preparatory High School say the move is part of a safer-sex education program it is planning for students in the weeks leading up to the big day. It’s apparently the only school in the area to take up an offer by condom manufacturer NuVo to give out free condoms for prom.
Which, as any mom or dad desperately trying to forget the movie American Pie knows, is considered a big day for teen sex.
(Anyone else out there shuddering? And I’ve got 16 years before my daughter goes.)
The reaction to Bedford-Stuyesant Prep seems to be falling along the predictable contraception debate lines:
Some parents say handing out condoms sends the wrong message to teens already facing a lot of hype about sex and prom. (As if ill-fitting tuxes do wonders for romance.) Free condoms given by school officials will encourage sex, they believe.
Others say that teens are going to have sex one way or another. Especially on prom night, with its later-than-usual curfews, peer pressure, and expectations. Therefore, it’s better to help them make safe any sexual experience they’d have anyway.
Others just cover their ears, squeeze their eyes shut, and look forward to graduation.
But here’s some good (and bad) news for parents.
Seventeen Magazine and Centers for Disease Control surveyed 12,843 students about prom. Only 14 percent of girls said that they had sex on prom night. And only 5 percent surveyed said they had lost their virginity that evening. (The number is even lower for boys – 3 percent said they lost their virginity on prom night.)
Compare this to other CDC research, which has found that nearly half of all high school students have had sexual intercourse.
Which means, parents, prom is not your problem. At least as far as sex goes. That conversation – whatever your values and feelings about contraception – should be happening far earlier and far more often than in the weeks leading up to prom.
The real concern, according to that Seventeen survey, is alcohol. Fifty-three percent of students told researchers that they had more than four drinks on prom night. And the number of teens who die in alcohol-related accidents on prom night is in the hundreds.
US Navy uses new online game to gather energy security solutions
Tired of the kids in your life (young and old) playing “Call of Duty?” Let them know there is a new game in town and that the US Navy is calling out to them to play it. The Massive Multiplayer Online Wargame Leveraging the Internet, or MMOWGLI, imitates real life. The US Navy is looking to recruit players who will help find ways to improve its combat capability and energy security, particularly by “promoting energy efficiency and diversifying its energy supply (use of alternative energy) while working to reducing reliance on fossil fuels from overseas.”
Does it sound like science fiction? In fact a 2010 Defense Department Report identified climate change and energy security as “prominent military vulnerabilities,” noting that climate change in particular is an “accelerant of instability and conflict.” As such, the US Navy is charging ahead to try to reduce these vulnerabilities and is now asking for our help.
At a recent meeting organized by the Environmental Defense Fund, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta told the audience that “climate change has raised the need for humanitarian assistance and disaster relief, hitting national security in the process.” This comes at the same time that climate deniers in our government, led by Sen. James Inhofe (R) of Oklahoma are trying to cut alternative energy programs from the military’s budget.
Grab the kids in your life and watch this short video developed by the US Navy. Find out where we could be 10 years from now if we don’t continue the aggressive and forward thinking ideas that the military is currently working on to reduce its dependence on fossil fuels.
Now suggest that your kids do the patriotic thing and join forces and play the game to try to help crowd source ideas and ways to lessen our dependence on fossil fuels. (Be advised: this game is for those older kids in your life, the ones in or out of college, or on their way there shortly.) Also, this version of the game may only be live for a few days so tell them to check out MMOWGLI today.
Yours,
Climate Mama
The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Harriet Shugarman blogs at ClimateMama.
Our happiness expert offers up 7 tips to increase creativity, including one straight from the playbook of Twyla Tharp. Here Ms. Tharp appears at the curtain call for the opening night performance of her Broadway musical "Come Fly Away" in New York on Thursday, March 25, 2010. (Charles Sykes/AP)
7 tips to help reignite the Twyla Tharp creativity in any parent
This Wednesday: 7 tips I use to spark my creativity.
I’ve read a lot of advice about how to spark creativity. Everyone’s creativity takes a different form, however, so the advice that works varies from person to person.
For example, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be efficient and productive. One of my struggles, therefore, is to allow myself to spend time on activities that don’t pay off in some direct way. Creativity often involves play, digression, exploration, experimentation, and failed attempts; it doesn’t always look productive.
As ludicrous as it may sound, I have to force myself to wander, and schedule time for goofing off.
Here are some creativity-boosting strategies that work for me:
1. Take notes. I have a compulsion to take notes as I read. I write down quotations and bits of information that catch my interest. In fact, all my book projects have really been ways to justify taking the notes that I most wanted to take.
I used to fight the urge to take notes that weren’t related to a specific project, but now I let myself go. I make strange lists, for no reason. I take notes without a purpose. I realize that sometimes, even many years later, I do find a purpose for those notes. All this note-taking is time-consuming, but in the end, highly satisfying. Along the same lines, I…
2. Follow my interests. I no longer try to curb my reading impulses; I don’t try to stop myself from reading everything ever written about St. Therese of Lisieux, or everything that Gary Taubes has ever written about nutrition, or lots of children’s literature. Instead of focusing on what I “ought” to be doing, I allow myself to wander—by buying an odd book, poking around the internet, or exploring an unusual place.
3. Buy supplies. As a confirmed under-buyer, I dislike making purchases, but in keeping with my resolution to “enjoy a modest splurge,” I encourage myself to make an occasional creativity-supporting purchase. A few months ago, I bought a beautiful set of magic markers and an oversized pad of drawing paper. For some reason, I just craved them. And indeed, when I got home, I sat down to a spell of…
4. Draw an idea-map. This is a process of writing down ideas in a way that helps you see new relationships and possibilities. I begin with a symbol or word in the center, and then map out my associations with that word—using single words and colored pens to keep the ideas vivid and clear. By mapping out my ideas, I get a new kind of insight into my own thoughts.
5. Enjoy the fun of failure. This catchphrase has made a huge difference to me. I’m very ambitious and want to succeed at everything I try, and that makes me very anxious—which isn’t a creative frame of mind. Telling myself that I can enjoy the “fun of failure” has made me (somewhat) more light-hearted about taking risks. As G. K. Chesterton wrote, “If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.”
6. Read random magazines. Every once in a while, I pick up several magazines that I would never ordinarily read. It’s surprisingly interesting and useful. And I love the feeling of possibility that I get whenever I browse in one of those stores that carries 500 different magazines.
7. Indulge my magpie impulses. I was fascinated to read that when Twyla Tharp has a new project, she starts a cardboard file box to collect all the materials that inspired her—everything from a toy to a CD to a photograph. The first thing she puts in is a slip of paper with a stated goal for the project—something like “keep it simple” or “something perfect” or “tell a story.” “Everything is raw material,” she says. “Everything is relevant. Everything is usable. Everything feeds into my creativity. But without proper preparation, I cannot see it, retain it, and use it.” When I have the urge to collect materials, articles, or information, I now indulge it. Although I generally fight against any stuff that could become clutter, as with note-taking, I find that these collected materials help spur my creativity.
One of the main outlets for my magpie impulses is this blog. Here I collect many of my favorite quotations, intriguing passages from books I’ve read, interesting images, stories I’ve heard from my friends, and questions that plague me. It’s very, very satisfying. I used to worry that writing every day on my blog would drain me of ideas, but in fact, the more I create, the more I want to create.
The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Gretchen Rubin blogs at The Happiness Project.
Mom, I'm an atheist. Our guest blogger answers the concerns of parents who fear their child is turning away from God. Nicole Waggoner, left, holds a sign during a atheism rally in Boise, Idaho in 2005. Atheism has become a more prominent presence in the US in recent years due to advocacy and publicity campaigns. (Dianne Humble/Idaho Press Tribune/AP)
Mom, I'm an atheist: A son's decision troubles religious parents
Guest blogger Bonnie Harris answers this question from a concerned parent and reader:
Q. What do you say to a son who says he doesn't believe in God? We are a family who goes to church often, talks about doing good to and for others, and tries to instill proper values and ethics in the lives of our children.
At dinner the other night, while conversing, our 14-year-old son dropped this bombshell that he was going to choose to be an atheist. It upset both my husband and me to the point where we sent him to his room to reflect on all he has to be thankful for.
He is of a pretty calm and kind nature, so this really disappointed us and upset us. Is there something we could say and/or do to make him understand that God is important!?
A. Your son is demonstrating his growing independence. It is important that you honor that while at the same time maintaining a relationship with him that he will always want to gain love, support, and influence from.
It is his attachment to you and your family that will keep him safe, self-assured, and strong in the face of growing peer dominance. If you punish him for what he believes or what he says he believes, you are putting that relationship at risk.
At 14, you can no longer convince him to believe as you do or make him understand what you believe is right or important. He has his own mind, sees others believing differently and now knows that he can too. Let him know that you admire his independent thinking even though you believe differently.
I would acknowledge that you know that not everyone believes in God and many have different gods than yours — as well as how important your belief has been to you. When we put others down for believing differently than we do, we foster bigotry. Your son could find that as further reason to not believe especially if he is punished (being sent to his room) for his disbelief. In other words, you could be sending him further down the path you least want him to take.
One does not have to believe in God to be humble, grateful, kind, helpful and respectful of others. He will take his values and ethics from you regardless of what he believes. It is important that you uphold those values by honoring his right to think differently. If you let him know that you understand he is struggling with important philosophical thinking, and you are open to discussing his quandaries with him, he will listen.
When you let him know that you do not and will not approve of his decision to believe differently, he will no longer seek your advice. This is an important milestone for all of you.
The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Bonnie Harris blogs at Connective Parenting.
Andrew Poticha, 17, right, and Erick Olsen, 17, both of Crystal Lake, Ill., back out of a parking space at Crystal Lake South High School on March 8, 2012. Parents need to let go of knowing everything about their teenagers if they want to encourage independence. (Daniel J. Murphy/Northwest Herald/AP)
Encouraging independence means letting teens have a few secrets
The truth is there are some things that as a parent of a teen, actually as a parent in general, you are better off not knowing. Stop a moment and think back to your own teen years. Think back to a specific time when you did something so risky, so dangerous, so stupid, or any combination of the three, that it is a miracle you are still around. Can you think back to a time when luck had to have been on your side because if it hadn’t been, you probably wouldn’t be reminiscing about this? Now ask yourself, if by some chance your parents did not find out about this, did you tell them anyway? We are willing to bet that a large majority of you did not tell your parents.
While there were many reasons for not enlightening your parents, we would guarantee that besides wanting to avoid a consequence you also had their best interests in mind. We mean, why inform them after the fact when you were okay? Did they really need the anxiety, disappointment and even despair that could have easily ensued? So, where are we going with this? It is really quite simple: there are some things about your teens that you are probably better off not knowing.
There is much truth to the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” As your teens work to establish their identities and assert their independence they are likely to make mistakes and missteps. Many of these you are probably better off not knowing about. You have raised them well, instilled in them the virtues and values that you felt were not only needed but necessary. It is during adolescence that parents need to allow their teens to try out their wings. If communication is strong and the bonds of trust and respect are mutual and firm, then you have done your job. If they need your assistance, advice or the wisdom of your experience they are likely to fly back to you.
You can't encourage independence and autonomy by preventing them from trying to fly. While the shelter and protection of the nest may ease your anxiety, how will it help them if a predator comes swooping down to grab them?
The next time you have that urge to read that journal or diary that you know is hidden away in the desk or under the mattress, don’t. Repress the urge to listen in on their conversations with their friends, or read the notes from friends or “significant others” stuffed in their pockets. When you model respect and honesty, your teens are most likely to follow suit. Now we do want to be clear. If you have noticed major changes in your teen’s appearance and or behaviors that concern you, sit down and gently discuss this with them. If your concerns continue, seek out the help of a professional. We are not recommending that you write off these changes as typical teen behavior.
If you feel confident that your teen generally makes good decisions and if your teen is growing, maturing and thriving emotionally and socially, chances are strong that he is headed in the right direction. You are better off not knowing about the times when he may have veered slightly off the path to the left or the right. There is a reason whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and in Vegas it should remain.
The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Jennifer Powell-Lunder and Barbara Greenberg blogs at Talking Teenage.
In this Nov. 3, 2011 photo, Mizel Jewish school fifth-grader Brandon Sweet worships inside the Sherwin Miller Museum of Jewish Art. (Cory Young/The Tulsa World)
Raised with rabbis: One family's journey to share their faith
Our temple cantor strummed a few chords, and before she could open her mouth, my 4-year-old son Simon did. “Bim bam,” he sang out.
The cantor smiled, touched rather than upset that my son for a moment had become song leader as we started walking into the sanctuary for the recent Tot Shabbat service. She then took over. “Shabbat shalom,” she sang, and Simon along with the cantor’s 6-year-old daughter, shouted, “Hey!” and clapped in unison.
My son treats our temple like a second home. He hugs the rabbis and the cantor. He exchanges high fives with other parents and children. He seems as comfortable in the children’s service as he is in the adult services. Seeing my son embrace his faith so early in life is beautiful and at times, astonishing. Both my husband and I grew up largely disconnected from our faith. We didn’t set out to make Judaism such an integral part of our son’s early childhood. It just happened.
By the time Pavlik and I married, both of us had become closer to Judaism than we were as children. I celebrated my adult bat mitzvah at age 41 in 2006 – months before my wedding and two years before Simon was born. Pavlik, after college, joined a chavurah, a group of Jews who regularly got together to mark Shabbat and other Jewish holidays. He studied conversational Hebrew for a year. Before Simon was born, my husband and I sang in our temple chorus. Months after Simon’s birth, we brought him to chorus rehearsals so often that our infant was dubbed the “chorus baby.” He alternately cooed or slept at rehearsals.
Several times a year, particularly during the summer when evening services are earlier, we brought Simon as a baby to services. He was often the only baby or the only toddler. If he cried, we took him out. Around six months old, Simon had one of his biggest early Jewish experiences. It’s a memory he won’t remember but I always will. I took him out to change his diaper and walked back in as the rabbi was asking children to to open the doors of the ark – a beautifully carved wooden structure that houses our temple’s three Torah scrolls. Simon was the only actual child at that service.
I tried to slip into a seat, but the rabbi called out, “Linda, bring Simon up.” My face reddened, but I complied. Simon snuggled in my arms. I opened one of the doors because he was too little to help, but he absorbed it. The rabbi and cantor sang the Aleinu and my son’s eyes widened and he smiled. A little more than a year later, at age 2, Simon insisted on walking up himself to open the ark doors, drawing chuckles from congregants.
At home, on evenings we do not attend services, we light the candles and say the blessing over the bread and Simon sings along. Sometimes, he wants to lead.
My childhood memories of temples are not warm and fuzzy. I never would have hugged a rabbi. I found clergy boring and didactic and saw no purpose for religion or ritual. My family did not go to services. My father was resistant to ritual at home. My mother had more love for Judaism but heeded my father’s wishes on many Jewish-related things. We were not a family that went to temple for anything but religious instruction on Sunday mornings.
The Sunday school-only model of the family I grew up in remains common, my temple rabbi says. Few families, sadly, bring their children to temple for regular events from birth on, our rabbi says. We did not set out with a grand plan for our son’s introduction to Judaism. By the time Simon was born, my husband and I enjoyed going to services regularly. It has helped, too, that our temple had an active schedule of events for families of young children. We knew we wanted Simon exposed to his faith. We hoped he would sense our joy and develop his own love for Judaism. So far, our hope has come true.
The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Linda Wertheimer blogs at Jewish Muse.
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (12) flips over on his head after he was hit hard by San Diego Chargers defensive tackle Cam Thomas, not seen, in the second half of an NFL football game in Foxborough, Mass., Sunday, Sept. 18, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa) NFLACTION11; Tom Brady Charles Krupa (AP)
Tom Brady's dad has big concerns about safety of youth football
This one might give parents with sports-minded boys some pause:
Tom Brady’s dad said publicly this week that he would be “very hesitant” to let his star quarterback son play football if he were making the decision today.
Yes, that means playing youth football at all.
RELATED: Are You a Helicopter Parent? Take our Quiz!
The reason, Tom Brady Sr. explained, is that he knows more now about the long-term dangers connected to the concussions and head traumas that are part of the sport. He also threw his support behind former star quarterback, Kurt Warner, who took flak for saying that he would prefer his sons not play football.
“This head thing is very frightening for little kids,” Brady Sr. said. “There’s the physical part of it and the mental part – it’s becoming very clear there are very serious long-term ramifications.”
Brady Sr.’s comments are the latest in what has become a growing concern about the long-term physical impacts of football – and a growing debate for parents who are stuck between new health information and a sense that, well, this is just what little American boys do.
(That debate gets even fiercer in parts of the country where high school football rules.)
Google “should boys play football” and you’ll get an emotion-laden million items, with chat rooms, forums, blog posts and articles. It’s as if you’ve Googled whether mom and apple pie are still OK.
For millions of parents, the answer is still "yes."
According to the National Federation of State High School Associations, 1.1 millions boys play football in the US. For younger kids, the number is even larger, according to Virginia Tech researchers – 3.5 million kids ages 6 through 13 play tackle football.
This is strange, perhaps, for a country blamed for being full of helicopter parents. Because the health data is increasingly sobering:
According to a 2010 study published in the journal “Pediatrics,” football has the highest rate of high school sports concussions, impacting around 1 student per every 1,000. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported last year that hospitals recorded a 62 percent increase in children under the age of 19 suffering serious head injuries – one fifth of those injuries in boys came from playing football.
The damage is even more intense for younger children, researchers say – in a study released earlier this year, the Virginia Tech researchers found that helmeted children playing football suffer head impacts equal in force to those caused by the bigger hits at the college level.
“Nobody expected to see hits of this magnitude,” said lead researcher Stefan Duma.
Nobody except, perhaps, Brady Sr.
He didn’t let his son play football until Jr. was 14-years-old because he felt it wasn’t safe.
In his new book "Playborhood," author Mike Lanza has created a how-to guide for parents who want to turn local empty spaces into the kind of safe community playscapes that encourage activity and add value to neighborhoods. (Courtesy of Playborhood)
"Playborhood:" Parent guide creates community playscapes
Parent and play advocate Mike Lanza is not one to move into a new neighborhood and hope for the best for his kids.
The author of the new book "Playborhood" describes in great detail his philosophy and the elbow-grease steps he undertook to create a life for his kids, and those who live in proximity, that more closely mirrors the kind of playful, neighborhood-based childhood kids had 30 to 40 years ago than the sedentary, living-room-based one that many have today.
Lanza accomplishes this with great humor and plenty of vivid examples of people reclaiming their community spaces for play and gathering, from inner city Bronx, to an apartment-complex courtyard in California, to a formerly faceless intersection in Portland, Oregon.
As such, his can-do spirit is not only infectious, but is backed up with specific how-to's: informing a reader how to turn a driveway into a giant game board, for example, or a yard into a nature or other playscape where kids will want to come play.
A self-proclaimed neighborhood play evangelist, Lanza and his wife and three sons are walking the walk (and playing the play), and clearly influencing others to come along and have fun.
"Playborhood" also explores the larger issues of what makes a community work, from home and neighborhood design (think front porches and calm streets, for starters) to human behavior. Lanza believes in block parties and community dinners, and in giving kids a little room to roam.
Lanza has created a terrific and heartfelt blueprint that should result in safer neighborhoods, more joyous and cohesive families and communities and, ultimately, more kids getting out to play.
The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Susan Sachs Lipman blogs at Slow Family Online.
Springfield High School junior Timothy Miller, 17, sits for a portrait in his family's computer room Springfield, Ill., on April 27, 2012. Miller is creating a website called Capital City Cuisine, seen on the monitor at left. Recent surveys say that parent engagement, not policing, may be the most effective Internet use policy. (David Spencer/The State Journal-Register/AP)
Parent engagement, not policing, best policy for Internet use
The guidance has never been clearer, nor have the reasons for it.
Based on surveys of 25,142 families of 9-to-16-year-olds in 25 countries, researchers came to the conclusion that parents’ active engagement with their kids’ Internet activities works better than restricting them. They found that, while both imposing restrictions (e.g., installing a filter, banning certain Web sites, or restricting activities like photo-sharing or texting) and actively engaging reduced “risks of harm,” the more restrictive approach also reduced children’s opportunities online.
“For parents, talking to their child about the internet, encouraging them to explore alone but being nearby in case they are needed and talking to them about what they do online are all ways in which they can reduce online risks without reducing their child’s opportunities,” said EU Kids Online research director Sonia Livingstone in a press release.
Ms. Livingstone also said that the surveys found a generally “positive picture in which children welcome parental interest and activities, and parents express confidence in their children’s abilities.”
In their analysis – “How can parents support children’s Internet safety?” – the researchers said that “Cynicism that what parents do is not valued, or that children will always evade parental guidance, is ungrounded.”
More than two-thirds of the young people surveyed said their parents’ guidance is helpful – “27 percent ‘very’, 43 percent ‘a bit’,” and the 13-to-16-year-olds as much as the younger children.
This resonates closely with what the Pew Internet Project found in its research last year (see “Parents Matter” in my post about it). In fact, the EU Kids Online researchers even heard a small percentage of children say they wish their parents were more involved in their online experiences (5 percent “a lot” more and 10 percent “a little” more).
Interestingly, two-thirds of the young respondents also said their parents “know a lot (32 percent) or quite a lot (36 percent) about what they do online.” Of course there were differences in digital parenting styles from country to country.
Report co-author Andrea Duerager said that, “in Turkey and Austria, for example, parents favor a restrictive approach while in Nordic countries they do more active mediation.”
The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Anne Collier blogs at NetFamilyNews.
Many students are taking a 'gap year' between high school and college, though parents are concerned this is not the best choice in this economy. Sonnet Ludwig, now a student at Eckerd College in St. Petersburg, Fla., went on a sea kayaking trip to Nordland, Norway in 2010 with the National Outdoor Leadership School. (Fredrik Norrsell/National Outdoor Leadership School/AP)
Future plans: six tips to deal with teen's differing life goals
She came to me confused and disappointed. Her daughter, a sophomore in high school, had come to her the night before and announced she was no longer interested in playing field hockey. Her daughter is a gifted athlete who had invested much time and energy into the sport, and, well, so had her parents. In fact, her parents had encouraged this pursuit not only because of their daughter’s abilities, but also with the secret hope that her skill at the game could get her at least a partial scholarship to college.
I should add that the woman herself was also a gifted athlete. She had gone to school on a field hockey scholarship and was captain of her team in college.
Maybe you are dealing with a different situation: He wants to be a rock star and his music is his life, which is fine, but what about his school work?
Maybe you run a boutique that you were hoping to have her take over but her interests are in marine biology. Maybe you played football or baseball and although he has always been a gifted athlete, he chooses art classes instead. As a parent it can be frustrating and disappointing when your teen chooses a different avenue to pursue than perhaps you would have chosen for him. This is especially challenging when, as highlighted in the scenario above, your teen appears to veer completely off the path she had started.
It is important to remember that a major goal of adolescence is to find one’s identity. It is estimated that the majority of adults will change careers at least once in a lifetime. Like cat’s our work path can have many lives.
In tough economic times when job opportunities are often difficult to come by, it is even more common for older teens/young adults to change course. As a parent, this may seem counterintuitive. If your son has just graduated with a specialized degree, you may assume that because the market is more difficult he will put all his energy and focus into securing an opportunity in his chosen field. However, in reality, the frustration and disappointment for late teens/early adults can be so intense that it is not uncommon for them to seemingly put their dreams on hold and pursue new avenues, for example, take a year off and travel. Even more frightening for parents is when teens graduating from high school make a similar decision. Taking a gap year between the end of high school and beginning of school or somewhere in between is becoming a more common practice.
How do you cope? Here are some suggestions:
1.) Keep it all in perspective. Of course you want the best for your teen. While his dreams may not be yours, you have raised a happy, healthy and ambitious child. Things could certainly be worse…
2.) Even if you don’t agree with your child’s pursuits, offer support and guidance. Your teens need you. Withholding the very things they turn to you for will help no one.
3.) The best lessons are learned by trying. Although you may believe your teen has chosen to pursue the impossible, there are many lessons to be learned by going for it.
4.) If your teen suddenly veers off the course you had forged together, talk with him. Sometimes our teens originally choose the paths they believe you want them to take. As they get older, and develop their own sense of self they may decide they want to pursue other avenues. Although it may seem like he is making a careless decision, talk with him. You may be surprised to find that he actually has a well thought out plan that he has been developing for quite some time.
5.) There is always room for compromise. If you believe your teen is making a decision that could negatively impact her future, discuss a middle ground. If for example, she wants top go to art school after graduation and you are worried she will close off her career options in such a specialized pursuit, suggest she look at schools which provide an emphasis on art and academics.
6.) You were her age once too. Think back to your teen years. While circumstances may have been different, you had hopes and dreams. Remember what it felt like to have the whole wide world ahead of you, the sky was the limit. This may give you some perspective on where your teen is coming from.
And hey, you never know. Remember if you can dream it, you can be it!
The Christian Science Monitor has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Jennifer Powell-Lunder and Barbara Greenberg blogs at Talking Teenage.
Previous
Become part of the Monitor community