The family dinner is back – not haute, but the right thing to do

Experts say the benefits accrue whether the food is organically grown or taken out of a pizza box, whether the conversation follows a take-turns ritual or a more free-for-all format, whether it's actually family breakfast instead of family dinner that's being had.

And kids of all ages benefit. Even teenagers, stereotypically the most I'm-out-of-here bunch, think family dinner is important. A recent CASA poll reports that 58 percent of teens eat dinner with their families at least five times a week, and that 54 percent say they value the conversation as well as the food.

Professor Duke believes that the practice is more vital now than ever because family stories told at the table build the resilience kids need to navigate a recession-weary, post-9/11 world.

"The more that kids know about their family background, the more resilient they are. And not just about the positives, but about the times the family had trouble and people came through," he explains. They learn that relatives have made mistakes and recovered, and so can they; and that family identity can help them resist temptation, says Duke.

If it's resilience that kids need, it's prodding to take charge of their families that Mom and Dad need, says Weinstein, who often speaks to parent groups.

"Parents are feeling so incompetent, it's sad…. So many pick up the kids at day care, go through the drive-through, and eat in the car. I say 'why don't you take home the bag and eat [the food] on the table?' " says Weinstein.

Feeding a family is empowering for parents, say experts.

"There's a confidence about sharing something with your family, that you can provide something for your family, that your family can be together without having to send out for something," Weinstein explains.

But many just don't know how: They have no food in the house, no skills to prepare a meal, no confidence to turn off the TV and start a conversation. The feeling of incompetence afflicts the affluent and well-educated as well as the poor. Many are intimidated by what could be perceived as a need to be perfect – a standard suggested by celebrity chefs and by the call to wholesomeness and the home grown, to the requisite recipes, conversation starters, and let's-cook-together pressures.

But, actually, family dinner can be a balm for adults as well as kids, Weinstein says, citing an IBM study showing that, no matter how many hours they worked, employees who got home for dinner felt better about their families and jobs. Older studies, she says, have shown that even in homes of an alcoholic, the meal gave a sense that there was a family to hold onto.

The nonprofit Family Dinner Project, in Watertown, Mass., aims to shore up the practice. At its community dinners, mentors provide hands-on practice to families in preparing food, dining, conversing, and cleaning up. College students visit schools at lunch to model table manners during small-group dining. The project's website highlights families who've intentionally tapped dinner's therapeutic value to bond and counter discord.

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