Arizona's Sheriff Dupnik and the 'vitriol' debate: Do words matter that much?

When she introduced me, Oprah said that she had read my book and “saw myself over and over” in it. She retold one of my examples, adding, “I’ve done that a thousand times” – and illustrated by recounting a conversation between herself and Stedman, referring to her “steady beau” by first name. She also got the studio audience to interact with the couples on stage, but audience members followed her lead by offering their own experiences to match or contrast with those of the guests.

Provoking animosity created drama on the San Francisco talk show. But so did Oprah’s inspiring connection.

Connection and opposition are both fundamental to human relationships. We approach others and define ourselves by asking, consciously or instinctively, “Is she like me? Am I like him?” Those whose words are broadcast across the public sphere – and the Internet makes it easier for words to spread widely and quickly – can take advantage of either impulse: awaken compassion by helping us see others as fundamentally like us, or instigate hostility and aggression by reminding us that we’re different. In the extreme, they can lead us to forget or deny others’ humanity entirely.

The “People are Talking” segment was turned into a fight in hopes of its raising ratings. The show’s producer said as much: Before leaving the set I told her that the show was irresponsibly squandering the power to inform. She replied that the ratings would prove whether it had been a success.

Corroding the human spirit

Politicians, like TV and radio producers and hosts, are no doubt focused on the outcomes they seek: to increase their followers and win elections. The San Francisco producer didn’t care how she raised her ratings – much as those who use inflammatory rhetoric seem not to know or care that, as Sheriff Dupnik put it, their words have consequences. We will probably never know all the factors that contributed to Saturday’s tragedy, but we do know that stoking anger, fear, and aggression is corrosive to the human spirit, making everyone feel more vulnerable and isolated.

The television show that turned audience members vicious went off the air shortly after that segment aired. Oprah’s was one of the most successful shows in broadcast history. If a sense of responsibility for the way public discourse shapes human relationships is not enough to motivate those who have access to public airwaves, we might remind them that creating connections among people is also a kind of power – and, judging by Oprah’s unparalleled success, a greater one.

Deborah Tannen is professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and author of “The Argument Culture” and, most recently, “You Were Always Mom’s Favorite!”

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