Don't believe the 'perfect mother' myth

Why do I and so many other mothers feel suffocating guilt for not being a supermom?

from the May 9, 2008 edition

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Did my value as a mother really depend on picking the right snacks? There are several problems with this "Mommy Mystique" phenomenon. It doesn't create perfect, happy children. How many children are on antidepressants and other psychotropic medications today? It seems as if the numbers keep increasing.

Also, a woman who feels she must conform to the modern-day version of perfect motherhood is just as imprisoned and unhappy as the stereotypical homemaker in the 1950s and '60s.

Further, this irrational perfection has caused women to bitterly fight one another. We are so busy trying to rationalize our own sacrifices that we take sides in mommy wars. We throw out ludicrous arguments about whether stay-at-home moms are superior to working moms or vice versa.

In attempting to take on societal scripts as perfect mothers, we have become isolated and powerless. We are afraid to share our doubts or needs. We have become so busy with images and roles that we forget that we do have voices.

Instead of critiquing other mothers, we could reach out to them. Instead of suffering in silence at work or at home, we could ask for help.

Let's speak up about what is good for all: for women, our families, our future.

Check out new movements such as MomsRising. Or create other movements that address the needs of our nation. It is not selfish or weak to talk about our problems. We have them. They're not going away.

Yes, Mother's Day weekend is laughable. We need a month. Call it "Mothers Making Changes Month." While we're at it, let's pull out the scripts and if necessary, rip them up into shreds and write a new script. Goodbye "Mommy Mystique."

Let's celebrate our own mystique and our power to change the world. We are women. Hear us roar!

• Em Hunter is a writer and an imperfect mother of four.

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