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| Cultivating marriage: Husbands gather in Tsumagoi, Japan, every fall for 'Shout Your Love From the Middle of a Cabbage Patch'
Day. Many wives attend to hear the special words. Courtesy of Tsumagoi Village |
Japanese men shout the oft-unsaid: 'I love you'
The Japan Aisaika ("Devoted Husbands") Organization wants men to view marriage as a relationship, not a status.
from the February 13, 2008 edition
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JAO encourages husbands to follow five golden rules on Beloved Wives Day, including getting home early (by 8 p.m.), calling wives by their name rather than the traditional "Mother," and looking them in the eyes.
On Jan. 31 this year, JAO and Hibiya Kadan Floral Company organized an event called "Shout Your Love From the Middle of Hibiya Park," a major park in Tokyo.
Inspired by his own marriage
Before creating JAO, Yamana was a stereotypical middle-aged workaholic who gave little thought to his family. Many employees in Japan are pressured to put their companies first and demonstrate their loyalty by working long hours.
After eight years of marriage, in 2002, Yamana decided to get a divorce. Arriving home to break the news, he was shocked to find his wife and child had already left.
Later that year, Yamana happened to reunite with an old acquaintance, Kimiko, who is now his wife of six years. A few years into their marriage, Yamana realized he was happy, and willingly spending more time at home.
Part of JAO's purpose is to let other men experience the joy that he found in marriage, says Yamana, and that requires changing attitudes toward work. "Japanese men place a high value on which company or organization they work for," Yamana explains, adding that such status also matters to some women looking for a husband. "If they get rid of that culture, almost everyone could become a devoted husband."
Ms. Tsutsumi, the sociologist, argues that economic parity between the genders would better encourage men to respect their wives. "It would be best to create a society where full-time housewives are no longer needed," she says. "It is far more important to be economically equal" than to nurture devoted husbands.
But Yamana has greater social goals in mind: "Husbands who take great care of their wife seem to care about those around them. So if there are more devoted husbands on earth, the world would become more peaceful."
The eager husband's efforts and own testimony have inspired others to take up his cause. After reading a newspaper article in 2005 about Yamana's life, a man facing similar problems called him early one morning. "I was reading the article in tears and underlined your comments five times. You made me finally realize how important it is to care about a wife," Yamana recalls him saying. The caller, whose wife had left him four years earlier, has since become an instructor on how to avoid divorce, says Yamana.
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