For some Gen-Yers, holidays back home are passé

It's becoming increasingly popular for young people to host Thanksgiving for their friends.

from the November 21, 2007 edition

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The trend began to gather steam in the late 1970s with women going to college and then choosing to pursue a career, says Mr. Watters. "It's always been a cultural norm for men to spend time away from the nuclear family, but once women got into it, the marriage delay really took off."

Not all 20-somethings are blurring family ties with friendship, cautions Melanie Wallendorf, a professor of marketing at the University of Arizona in Tucson. All families are different and the delay of marriage is only true of upper- and middle-class children, she says.

The move to define family in a more open way doesn't mean young people are necessarily less close to their family, says Erica Chito Childs, a family sociologist at Hunter College in New York. But the high rates of divorce and subsequent blended families means that 20-somethings have less strict guidelines on what family means and who it includes, she adds.

These social bonding skills bode well for family, though, say some family researchers. This is a chance for these young adults to practice caring about and being cared for by others, says Coontz.

Nathaniel Brown, a graduate student at Tufts University near Boston, has already held a pre-Thanksgiving.

"We did it last year essentially because we had a free turkey on hand and we always were looking for an excuse to throw a fun party," he says. "I think the impetus to have it again this year was that it was so much fun last year, and maybe because we unintentionally filled some void by celebrating this great but traditional family holiday with friends instead."

As more and more young people organize holiday rituals with their friends, it may lead them to redefine holidays as less family-based and defined more by friendship and community, says Kay Trimberger, author and women's studies researcher at the University of California at Berkeley.

Back in Washington, Mr. Harding's early Thanksgiving started at a traditional time but lasted until 3 a.m. And while he enjoys his regular family Thanksgiving, he says the outdoor dizzy-bat competition – a race that involves spinning around a baseball bat – was not something he would see at his parents' house.

For Harding, unmarried and a researcher at a Washington think tank, the impetus for the Thanksgiving dinner was the weekly sit-down meal he had with roommates in graduate school. Now it has evolved into an annual gathering that serves as a way to bring together his close network of friends, who are scattered throughout metro Washington.

Though the celebration is the only Thanksgiving event some of his friends will attend, others, including Harding, plan also to head off to see their families Thursday.

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