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How parents can encourage play

First, make time for play at all ages. "An infant playing with a rattle is learning a lot more than he or she is getting from watching 'Baby Einstein,' " says David Elkind, a longtime professor of child development. As children get older, parents need to help them balance time spent watching TV and playing video games with time spent playing with peers, reactive play, or reading.

Second, model play. When reading a story to a preschooler, for example, change your voice in keeping with the characters. For older children, play cards or board games. These experiences teach young people strategies and interpersonal skills. You can also model play by telling jokes and riddles or by watching and discussing TV shows and movies.

"Parents interacting with their children is the most important kind of experience young people can have at all ages," says Dr. Elkind.

It's not only an opportunity to bond, but it allows children to see parents in a new way. Adults are power figures. "But when you are playing, you and the child are more equal," says Elkind. "This makes it easier to communicate," and both parent and child learn about each other.

And, while they may not verbalize it, children see parents giving up something to be with them. They see this as evidence that they are important and that the parent cares deeply about them.

Elkind sums up what parents can do in one word: Share. "Share your passions, share your experience, share your humor, share your decisionmaking and, most of all, share, your time," he says.

A brief list of play ideas:

All ages: Have daily chores; help someone else; read; play sports; joke; share stories about when you were a child; take walks or bike rides.

Preschoolers: Go to the playground.

Kindergarten to age 7: Make an art corner with paper, glue, ribbons, sparkles, fabric, boxes, string, and clay; make a fort; sleep out in a tent; play board games; play ball games, like catch; tell riddles and knock-knock jokes; cook and bake.

Ages 8 to 10: At this age, children are very much into playing with peers. Provide opportunities and materials (games, etc.) for such play, but don't intrude.

Ages 10 to 12: Again, preteens are very much into their friends, but they are happy to play catch or more sophisticated card games like poker or hearts with parents. Don't feel hurt if children prefer to play with friends.

Ages 13 and up: Now young people feel comfortable doing grown-up activities with parents: softball, golf, bowling, skiing, sailing, or hiking.

David Elkind

David Elkind is best known for "The Hurried Child," first published in 1981. The book warned of the dangers of expecting children to feel, think, and behave like "mini adults." He spoke of the stresses placed on children by overtesting and the too-early introduction of academics and organized sports.

In the preface of the 25th anniversary edition of the book, Elkind says things have only gotten worse. Computers and TV programs extend "hurrying" into infancy and the diaper set. Childhood, he says, has moved indoors, thanks to the prevalence of television and video games.

The commercialization of childhood is another way society "hurries" kids, he says. Children are directly targeted as a lucrative consumer market. Advertisers engage in "age compression," in which products designed for adults or older children are marketed to ever-younger age groups. Two- and 3-year-olds now play with Barbie dolls, for example.

The cost of speeding through childhood has been high. "Despite the early introduction of reading and math, children are not doing any better, and in many cases are doing worse than past generations," Elkind says. Academic achievement has become the No. 1 stressor of children.

"We need a level of concern like we now have for global warming," Elkind says. "We don't need more research. We have the data," and we know what to do. Politics, economics, and "social/cultural dynamics" are what stand in the way, he says.