Robotoddler 2.0: A user's guide

The Japanese develop a toddler robot. Here's a humorous look at the next generation mechanical child.

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The Associated Press reports that Japanese scientists have developed a robot that acts like a toddler. CB2 wobbles like a child learning to walk and rocks back and forth. I'm happy to be able to provide some information on the next version of the robot.

Tantrum Function: CB2-V2 responds to a variety of inputs by rolling around on the floor, screaming and throwing little toy trucks. Some stimuli that produce the tantrum reaction are:

• Being presented with a grilled cheese sandwich cut into squares rather than triangles.

• Being given just one cookie.

• Not being allowed to wear the Superman costume to church.

Selective Language Acquisition: In V2, the language function more closely mimics human toddlers' patterns. It will take roughly 200 exposures before it learns to say "please" and "thank you" when handed a cup of juice. It will take 500 exposures before it learns to say "I'm sorry" after hitting another robot on the head. It will take just one exposure to learn to say, "moron!" when a car cuts his "mom" off in traffic.

Fear Response: CB2-V2 has a "fear feature," which is an important mechanism for self-preservation. The robot is learning to protect itself from harmful situations. A toddler's fear can be difficult for adults to understand, so the user's manual lists common triggers.

The Fear Response is triggered by:

• Vacuum cleaners.

• Monsters, especially invisible ones.

• Elderly relatives who want to kiss them.

The Fear Response is not triggered by:

• Knives.

• Electrical sockets.

• Balconies of tall buildings.

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