Why can't a woman 'man' the grill?

Usually, men are the outdoor barbecue cooks, but sometimes a woman would like the opportunity.

from the June 25, 2007 edition

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My sister, an epicure who went through culinary school, says that for her, commanding the grill means controlling the taste: "The temperature and even the way you lay a steak across the grill can affect its flavor." She quickly adds that my brother-in-law doesn't care about such considerations. This either proves that cooking out is more cerebral than many men think, or that she – in feminine fashion – overthinks it.

Other women who grill talk about their desire to be good hostesses or their maternal instinct to feed, citing reasons why a woman's nature is as geared toward grilling as a man's.

Of course, there are just as many – if not more – women out there who are happy to steer clear of the grill. Some are intimidated by the guys, the grubbiness, or the occasional need to kick a grill to get it to work. Others are accustomed to the traditional cooking roles they observe in their families. And some women are just grateful to have someone else cook for them, even if only seasonally.

My friend Jill, who leaves the grilling to her man, takes an anthropological tack, calling the barbecue "one step up from cooking over the primordial fire." Fortunately, she's found a good counterpart in her husband, who says that while growing up in Texas he "never saw a female up at the grill, ever." In his family, the tradition of men cooking steaks is "passed on like a torch."

It's possible that women are just as responsible for genderizing the grill as men. "I don't know that many women who are willing to let men take care of whatever else needs to get done in the kitchen to get the meal ready," says my childhood friend Carrie.

Jim, a father of four, confirms this, saying he'd "rather throw the meat on the grill than be ridiculed for the way I chop a salad." Like many couples, he and his wife divide their labor between kitchen and grill when hosting backyard barbecues.

Perhaps men are just as intimidated by the idea of tackling kitchen tasks as women are by giddying up to the grill. This could be a sign that gals who grill should take the first step, and let a man mangle the lettuce once in a while.

It may also mean that I need to be more thick-skinned while ruling over the ribs in the backyard domain. After all, it's pretty difficult to screw it up.

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