An alternative summer reading list

Books I always wanted someone to write.

By

Recently I came upon a book titled – I am not making this up – "Hitler: Neither Vegetarian nor Animal Lover." Inspired by the "uniqueness" of this title, I have been searching for writers to flesh out some equally unexpected, and so far unavailable, manuscripts.

While I am not asking for coauthor credit, I will demand a share of the film rights and any royalties derived from marketing ventures with fast-food chains and carbonated beverages.

Napoleon: Not as Short as You Think

Recommended: Could you pass a US citizenship test?

Shakespeare: Father of the Bolo Tie

Julia Child: The Basketball Years

Eleanor Roosevelt: Her Favorite Manicures

Saul Bellow: Sweet or Sour Pickles – Did He Make the Right Choice?

Cecil B. Demille: How to Direct Through a Megaphone Without Looking Like a Haddock

Jean Harlow and Jean-Paul Sartre: The Affair That Never Began

Michelangelo: His Mother's Least Favorite Pastas

Chicken Caesar: Coward or Salad?

Dick Cheney: His Most Cherished Vice Presidential Limericks

The Himalayas: An In-Depth Guide to Their Mexican Restaurants

London, England; and Lincoln, Neb.: Two Cities That Begin With the Same Letter

Harry S. Truman: Why the S. Didn't Stand for Sue

Barry Bonds: His Singular Approach to Darning Socks

The Brasseries of Paris: An Indispensable Guide to Their Saltshakers

James Monroe: Not James Madison

James Madison: Not James Monroe

New York City: All the Best Tollbooths

Harrison Ford: His Collection of Winks

• Chuck Cohen is a writer who lives in Mill Valley, Calif.

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