How 'the perfect day' has changed

Marriages may be more stable as couples wait longer to get married. But they spend more, too.

By Marilyn Gardner | Columnist

from the May 30, 2007 edition

Page 1 of 2

Tucked away on a shelf in our linen closet is a flat box, 12-inches square, containing a homespun treasure.

Pink roses and silver wedding bells decorate the cover. Inside are seven pristine white dish towels, one for each day of the week. Apple-green cross-stitches spell out the days, while cornflower yellow flowers form a cheerful border.

The towels were a long-ago bridal shower gift, lovingly stitched by my great-aunt between chores on the Wisconsin dairy farm she and my great-uncle owned. How many hours, I wonder, did she spend on each towel, her nimble needle rhythmically forming perfect stitches?

Too good to be used, too pretty to be forgotten, these symbols of domesticity have remained in the gift box for 40 years. Now and then I take them out to touch and admire. As the decades have rolled by, they have come to symbolize the changing traditions and expectations that surround showers and weddings.

When my great-aunt was stitching these dish towels, shower gifts reflected a simpler time. Many of us getting married then were young – just a year or two out of college. We needed practically everything to set up housekeeping, from spatulas and measuring spoons to frying pans and Pyrex casseroles.

Today many brides and grooms have lived independently – or together – for years, earning advanced degrees, establishing impressive careers, buying condos, and acquiring sophisticated tastes as they have furnished their homes. For them, cross-stitched towels and embroidered aprons – common gifts at Midwestern showers in the mid-1960s – might seem quaint and old-fashioned.

Just as well, perhaps. How many gift-givers today would even have time for all that stitching?

Showers then were typically women-only events. Today, in a sign of egalitarian times, prospective grooms take part in registering for gifts. Many are also invited to showers, giving them a chance to meet guests and share in the prenuptial festivities.

Gift preferences have changed, too. China and crystal, high priorities on the wish lists of engaged couples of earlier generations, have fallen out of favor. Only 5 percent of newlyweds responding to a new survey would like to receive these traditional gifts. Instead, they say, please send money or gift cards.

Some thoroughly modern couples even sign up for honeymoon registries and mortgage registries, enabling guests to help finance a wedding trip or contribute to a down payment on a house.

Page 1 | 2 | Next Page