When a student's in trouble, should parents know?

US privacy laws prevent counselors from informing parents of danger signs. But many say they should know if their young adult children – or their roommates – need help.

from the April 27, 2007 edition

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That decision to break confidentiality or to commit someone to involuntary care can be one of the toughest a counselor or psychiatrist has to face, says Dr. Gartner, especially since it may mean the loss of any relationship. Still, she's done it several times.

"It's an art and a science," she says, noting that she'll assess how much of a plan students seem to have, whether they can harm themselves or others, and how stable they appear. "We continually seek the place where we can go home at night and go to sleep, she adds."

No assessment is perfect, Gartner notes, and schools – like Virginia Tech – are often blamed if things go awry.

In one highly publicized case, the parents of Elizabeth Shin sued the Massachusetts Institute of Technology after she committed suicide by setting fire to herself in her dorm room in 2000, arguing that the school hadn't done enough to prevent it. The case was eventually settled out of court. In another case, George Washington University, saying that he posed a danger, barred sophomore Jordan Nott from campus after the sophomore checked himself into a mental-health facility with suicidal thoughts. Mr. Nott sued, and the case was settled last year.

Virginia Tech has faced considerable criticism for its lack of early action on the day student Cho Seung-Hui went on his deadly rampage. But some experts say there weren't enough signs to warrant an involuntary commitment or to breach confidentiality. In 1995, many commentators were equally critical of Harvard for its decision to rescind admission to Gina Grant once it came out that the student had bludgeoned her abusive mother to death when she was 14.

For parents, the concerns center less on liability than the welfare of their child. "I understand privacy issues, but 18 years old is way too young to have no parental guidance or awareness or involvement," says one mother, whose daughter experienced serious depression her freshman year. Her other daughter tipped her off, and she instantly went to the school to help. But, she says, it was excruciating to go to the psychiatrist and find she couldn't learn the smallest detail about her daughter's condition. "As a mother, it rips you up inside."

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