You've got mail: 'We're letting you go'

In a high-tech age, the need to treat terminated workers respectfully grows more important. "With electronic communication, a dissatisfied employee can be very open about it," Freeman says. "They have vehicles to talk about dissatisfaction. There was a time when if you were a dissatisfied employee, you might talk to your wife, your neighbors. But now there are blogs and e-mails."

Cyber-perils take other forms as well. One worker surprisingly received an e-mail stating that his medical insurance was being canceled. "That's how he found out he was being fired," Haag says.

Even that cannot top the experience of Katy Tanner, a shop clerk in Wales. She learned via a text message on her cellphone that she had been fired. Like Browne, she received the news when she was home sick for a day. Her boss wrote:

"Hi Katy its alex from the shop. Sorry 2 do this by text but ive been trying to call u + ur phones been switched off. Ive had a meeting with jon + ian and weve reviewed your sales figures and they're not really up to the level we need. As a result we will not require your services any more. You will receive your last pay packet on Friday 28th july. Thank you for your time with us."

That kind of cyber-approach leaves workplace specialists aghast. John Roslansky, an employment lawyer in Wellesley, Mass., who has done hundreds of terminations, says, "There's no reason you can't do it with class."

That applies to workers, too. "Employees should take it politely and keep their emotions to themselves until they get home," Haag says. "You just don't know what's going to happen in the future. If you say something rude, you might see this person again at another company."

As layoffs increase, the need to treat employees humanely grows more urgent, both for the well-being of workers and for the reputation of the firm. Last month, US employers cut 65,278 jobs, up from a six-year low of 37,178 in July, according to the outplacement firm of Challenger, Gray & Christmas.

Some workers take legal action. Citing a study by a human resources magazine on why people sue after being let go, Browne says, "People felt they were treated unfairly. They weren't listened to. They were just given a package, or they were walked out. Nobody took a personal interest. They felt hurt. People who feel hurt are more likely to want to do something about it, including sue."

Whatever the circumstances, Browne encourages those dismissed to approach the next step positively.

In her management classes for women, she says, "I teach that when there is a major change, it's not the end of the world. Many of the people I talk to after a layoff say it was the push they needed to get a better job. After you get over the sadness, the anger, you may end up with a better job."

When layoffs or firings are necessary, John Roslansky, an employment lawyer in Wellesley, Mass., offers these suggestions for managers:

•Inform employees about separations in the middle of the workweek, so they can reach out with questions the following day rather than brooding over a weekend.

•Give the bad news early and gently in the conversation so employees aren't in suspense.

•Express your regret and disappointment at the need to make the decision to dismiss them.

•Be clear about any shortcomings that led to the decision, but don't be needlessly harsh. Explain the decision in objective and nonjudgmental terms.

•Give the employee an opportunity to visit professionally with co-workers and say goodbye.

•Allow a reasonable time (generally within the course of that day) for individuals to pack their things. Let them do so on their own time or after hours if they prefer. You may have to supervise them for an off-hours departure, but you save the employee the embarrassment of a public departure.

•Note that it's rarely a bad person being fired. Most people make an earnest effort to do a good job. Generally, layoffs are caused by poor communications, poor expectations, or changes beyond anyone's control. It's rarely a question of good or bad people – just good people in the wrong place.

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