Part 3 • The first video

(Page 4 of 4)

After dinner they told me to put on a track suit they'd given me two days earlier and remove my head scarf. I wanted to wear my hijab if they were going to film me; they said no, they wanted to make my hair messy, make me look bad.

They brought me back into the sitting room, and men began filing in, carrying AK-47s and RPGs. They were cavalier about their weapons; one AK was lying on the ground, pointed right at me. I thought, "If that thing goes off, it's going to blow off my leg."

They were holding up a sheet, moving it here and there, trying to find the best light. There were maybe 10 men in the room, and each had an opinion; it was "no, no, no, here," and then "no, no, no, over here."

Ink Eyes had written up a short speech, but he wasn't going to deliver it. Abu Rasha, the man who'd fought soldiers the day before in Baghdad, was going to do it instead. He kept practicing it aloud; I didn't understand most of it, except for when he said "CIA."

	ACTION: The first video was made Jan. 9 with Abu Rasha, the man in the middle, reading a speech in Arabic. About 30 seconds of the four-minute video were aired, without sound, on Al Jazeera Jan. 17.

Then the leader turned and coached me intently. I was to say that they were mujahideen fighting to defend their country, that they wanted women freed from Abu Ghraib prison, and the US military, particularly the Marines, were killing and arresting their women and destroying their houses.

And I must cry, on cue.

Abu Rasha donned a jumpsuit and wrapped his head in a kaffiyeh. Two others did the same. I sat down in front of them and the camera rolled.

I started to give my speech. Abu Ali standing behind the camera ran his fingers down his cheeks, to signal that I needed to cry.

It took me a while to work up to the crying part. But I had a lot of pent-up emotion and stress, and by the time we finished, I was crying for real. (Later, I learned that Al Jazeera only aired about 30 seconds - without audio - of that first four-minute tape. The tears were never broadcast.)

As the taping ended, I put my head down and I just kept crying. I heard Abu Rasha sigh behind me in a sympathetic way, like he felt bad, and some of the other men were making little noises like they felt bad that I was sitting there crying in front of them.

Ink Eye's reaction was different. He showed no sympathy. And I knew his opinion of me - my personal character - might make the difference in whether I lived or died.

He said, "We have to do this again."

He wanted me to cry more and talk longer, and say how the Marines were destroying things, destroying their homes.

	EMBEDDED: Jill is shown in western Iraq in November 2005 with members of the 3rd Battalion, 6th Regiment. JILL CARROLL COLLECTION

They had a special enmity for the US Marines. What they didn't know - and I hoped they would never find out - was that I had been embedded with the Marines for five weeks in November and December.

Back then, the lieutenant of the platoon I was with had said that if anyone ever kidnapped me, a platoon of Marines would come to my rescue.

So, in the retake of the video I made a point of emphasizing the word "Marines." I said, "Their government isn't of the Iraqi people. It is a government brought by the American government and by the MARINES..."

I wanted them to know I was thinking of them. Come get me, guys. Please, come save me.

PART 3 • THE FIRST VIDEO    1 | 2 | 3 | Page 4   [ Evidence points to one ring for five abductions in Iraq ]

Next: Part 4 • A mother as a suicide bomber.