Backstory: Manly man? Girly man? Oh, man!

Mr. Mansfield's book is not surprisingly the one raising the most whines from the left and praise from the right on the talk-show and book-tour circuit - and a "who-knew?" endorsement from the O magazine. He says the gender-neutral society - the ostensible aim of feminism - has come at the expense of male-female relationships, at work and at home. He calls for a refinement of the discussion of manliness to balance positive and negative: lose the caddish, harassing, and brutal facets but keep elements of honor, chivalry, and gentlemanliness.

"Manliness can't be repressed because it is in our nature," Mansfield says.

Frank Vincent who has played tough guys in "Raging Bull" and "The Sopranos" has a blunter assessment: "The women of the world are overrunning the guys," he says. In the past two decades, he says, "men got in touch with their sensitive side and gave away too much in the process."

As he sees it: Women in every avenue of life are calling the shots - in malls and restaurants, at the symphony and sporting events - while men smile and nod like a dashboard bobblehead doll. His antidote, "A Guy's Guide to Being a Man's Man," is as full of practical tips as Mansfield's is devoid of them. He reminds men exactly how to behave with honor, respect, and gentlemanliness. That includes dating ("don't look too eager"), dressing ("no ties with animals, Looney Tune characters, or Spongebob."), dining ("order New York strip steak for three"), and listening to "man's man" music ("Sinatra was the ultimate"). His formula for men in 2006 is to get a manicure (but no pedicure), money clip (no Velcro wallets), and a DVD of "Saving Private Ryan."

The author of another recent book, "The Secrets of Happily Married Men," was even more emphatic. "There is a backlash against the idea that the ideal man has to be feminized in some way," says Scott Haltzman. A longtime couples counselor, he says he has seen the damage to men who try to go down the touchy-feely road, especially when it's against their will, from the impetus of their wives.

"My experience has been that many men have tried to be more expressive and get in touch with their inner emotions but failed, and then felt there was something wrong with them," he says.

My own experience is that when I spent too much time with my inner woman, my wife felt there was something wrong with herself, and got jealous of the "other woman." I should have taken Haltzman's advice: "Let men be good at what they do, and teach women to better appreciate that."

I couldn't handle much more, but a fourth book I came across - a bit older - leapt out at me: "The Man's No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth." Author Marc Rudov contends that men and women are virtually the same and want the same things. He worries that too much male chivalry - wining and dining, holding the door, paying for every meal - is a kind of benevolent sexism in which both man and woman can feel like commodities. [Editor's note: The original version misspelled Rudov's name.]

It is "condescension with a wink and a smile," says Mr. Rudov. "Smart women and smart men don't want to dominate or be dominated."

It was all clearer to me now ... sort of. Move forward by going back. I left the bookstore in search of the Ray-Banned redhead in a BMW convertible. I haven't found her yet, but I've been playing Sinatra's "My Way" to inspire my manly comeback: "Excuse me ma'am. How'd you like to transcend stereotype with me while we explore frankly the soot you left in my cuff?"

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