The triumph of self-esteem over excellence

"The New Yorkers boast about their Brooklyn Bridge, But in comparison to thee it seems like a midge, Because thou spannest the Silvery Tay A mile and more longer I venture to say; Besides the railway carriages are pulled across by a rope, Therefore Brooklyn Bridge cannot with thee cope."

Of course, McGonagall's works weren't limited to trains and bridges. In his unsuccessful quest to become poet laureate of Britain, the artist also tackled such subjects as historic battles:

"Meanwhile the French troops did advance in disorganised masses, But as soon as the English saw them they threw aside their glasses."

- The Battle of Cressy

He also wrote tributes to famous people, such as "The Death of Lord and Lady Dalhousie":

"ALAS! Lord and Lady Dalhousie are dead and buried at last, Which causes many people to feel a little downcast."

He touched on inspirational events, as in "The Sprig of Moss":

"And when life's prospects may at times appear dreary to ye, Remember Alois Senefelder, the discoverer of Lithography."

In addition to the canon, webmaster Hunt also offers a Pick of the Day, and some of the poet's Autobiographical Writings. (The latter option includes accounts of an ongoing battle with pub owners, who used such projectiles as peas and wet towels when they decided that the maestro's recitals had gone on for too long). McGonagall Online also offers links to related sites, books in print, and a small collection of articles - including a persuasive argument that the poet's works weren't so much disaster as satire.

While sites reviewed in this space frequently make full use of the technological advantages of the Web, this presentation could hardly be more basic. In fact, the contents of McGonagall Online could just as easily -and more conveniently - be presented on the printed page. For this exhibition, the Internet serves the audience by providing accessibility - as most visitors to McGonagall Online would never have heard of the poet otherwise, and fewer still would have ever laid hands on his works. Without multimedia or interactive features, McGonagall Online can nevertheless introduce new audiences to a truly historic lack of talent, and inspire them with the story of a limitless (and ultimately triumphant) perseverance.

McGonagall Online can be found at http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/.

And if, unlikely as it may seem, McGonagall's work leaves you thirsting for even more bad poetry, a tribute to Canada's worst poet, James McIntyre, is available here. Though he was a contemporary of McGonagall (1827-1906) and also born in Scotland (there must have been something in the haggis), McIntyre's most memorable accomplishments dealt with neither bridges nor history, but cheese, as in this ode to a seven thousand pound wheel of cheese produced in 1866 and sent to exhibitions in Toronto, New York, and Britain:

"We have seen thee, queen of cheese, Lying quietly at your ease, Gently fanned by evening breeze, Thy fair form no flies dare seize ... Wert thou suspended from balloon, You'd cast a shade even at noon, Folks would think it was the moon About to fall and crush them soon."

Enter at your own risk.

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