States prod schools to teach relationships

Somehow, back when life was slower and families more conventionally nuclear, mothers and fathers seemed better able to teach their children the nuts and bolts of successful relationships: how to communicate clearly and how to resolve conflicts respectfully.

Today, with rising concerns over divorce rates and domestic violence, states are making greater efforts to help couples navigate the path to matrimony and beyond.

Some states, such as Arkansas, Louisiana, and Arizona, have introduced restrictive "covenant marriages" that prohibit divorce. Others encourage marriage preparation counseling before couples say, "I do." But a growing number of states are placing greater responsibility on public schools to help provide young people with the tools they need to establish lasting, healthy relationships.

The latest: Washington State, which recently joined New Jersey and Florida in passing legislation that strongly encourages public school courses that teach relationship skills. Utah has a similar mandate.

"Lifestyles are now so varied, so rush-rush, so stressed, that there may not be enough time for families to teach relationship skills," says Roxanne Trees, a former high school teacher here. "I'm not sure the family is able to do it at all."

Ms. Trees, now a family and consumer science administrator with Seattle's public schools, taught such classes in the early 1990s, and says students not only enjoyed the subject but benefited in multiple ways.

"To me, it's a life skill that lasts far beyond anything else we could teach," she says.

Chris Larson is a case in point. When he was 10, Mr. Larson's parents divorced. "Mom always had a full-time job," he remembers. "Both my parents did their best to prepare me, but they were busy, out working. Nothing in my family really prepared me for what I had to learn how to do [as an adult]."

Mr. Larson, now 30 and living in Wylie, Texas, is married with two young children. He took Ms. Trees' relationship classes - four times. Routinely, he and his classmates would role-play adult scenarios, including the enactment of a full-blown wedding with students playing all the various parts. He found the classes so inspiring he joined Future Homemakers of America.

"I didn't have great examples at home for what to do, and so those courses prepared me. I saw it as relevant education," he says.

Washington's new law, dubbed the Family Preservation act, stops short of requiring school districts to teach relationship courses. Instead, it mandates the state's Superintendent of Public Instruction to create a family preservation curriculum and post it on its website.

Inspiration for the bill came from a citizen activist, Larry Kvamme, a zookeeper at Tacoma's Point Defiance Zoo. Four years ago he heard about Florida's Marriage Preparation and Preservation Act of 1998, which published a family-law handbook, mandated relationship classes in high schools, and encouraged premarital counseling.

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