Who loses most in breakups?

Women also tend to feather the nest more than men, buying curtains, towels, and sheets, Theune says. "That's hard to put a dollar value on."

Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist and relationship expert for perfectmatch.com, advises couples who are thinking about living together to ask serious questions: What are we doing here? Is this an open-ended situation that may not turn into anything? If we love each other, will we marry?

"Just because you don't like the answer doesn't mean you don't need to know the answer," she says.

In the event of a breakup, Ms. Schwartz adds, couples must consider another key question: "What do we owe each other under these circumstances - money, furniture, dogs?"

Dogs were part of the negotiations when Stacy Katz's first live-in relationship ended. She and her boyfriend had two dogs, and they were a big issue in dividing their property. Each took one.

Since then, Katz, of New York, now a manager for a financial regulatory service, has had two other cohabiting relationships, each lasting about a year. When the first and third ended, she incurred no serious financial losses.

But with her second boyfriend, she learned a hard lesson after she allowed him to use her credit card. "I was the cardholder, but he had his name on it, too. When I moved away, he ran it up and didn't pay it," she says.

Katz had also cosigned a car loan. After she left, her ex-boyfriend let the insurance run out. He had an accident and couldn't pay for the repairs. "Creditors were pursuing me for a long time for the credit card and car loan," she says. That hurt her credit rating.

To protect both parties, Allen says, the safest approach is to have joint accounts, joint assets, and run the household on a budget that both people contribute to, perhaps pro rata based on income. But even a joint tenancy account carries risks: Either party can empty it out. She suggests an account that requires two signatures - an "and" account, not an "or" account.

Very often, couples go into these relationships in a state of "gleemania," Theune finds. "By the time the bloom is off the rose, they find themselves in this financial, emotional, psychological bind. Getting out of it is legally easier if you're not married, but the devastation is as harmful." She finds that many women "didn't take time to prepare themselves to leave, financially or otherwise."

One woman she knows relocated to a new city with her boyfriend after they became engaged. When they broke up, she had to move back and find another job. But they did work out a financial settlement to cover what she would need for one year to get reestablished.

Among younger couples, cohabitation can often involve a lighthearted commitment with lighthearted exits, Ms. Garrett says. But as the practice becomes more common among middle-aged couples who may be altar-shy after a divorce, the stakes are higher. "When they were 22, they split up the lawn furniture they were using in the living room. When they're 40 or 50, they often have significant assets and liabilities."

If a couple can't work out the financial aspects of a breakup in a civil manner, Schwartz suggests getting a third-party mediator to help. "If you end up in court, it'll be just awful," she warns. "You might need somebody to talk to, to see if you are due any economic recompense for the relationship. But in general, you signed up for something that wasn't marriage."

Laughead offers her own cautionary note to unmarried couples. "If you're paying toward something, you need to make sure your name is on it somewhere. If the worst-case scenario happens, you want to protect all your assets."

Garrett takes a similarly pragmatic approach. "You need to think of unmarried couples more like business partners," she says. "If you own anything together, or owe anything together, this is your business partner. It's definitely not romantic, but it's very healthy, and a smart way to protect yourself and your loved ones."

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