N.H. adoptees gain access to records

Still, both sides concede that statistics show a very low percentage of adoptive children complete their searches with face-to-face encounters. And some experts downplay the likelihood of the kind of disruptive event Allen suggests.

"The fears of birth mothers of the 'rogue adoptee' bursting into the family and wrecking the family life is very theoretical," says E. Wayne Carp, a professor of history at Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma, Wash., and author of "Family Matters: Secrecy and Disclosure in the History of Adoption."

He adds that no correlation has been found between state open-records policies on adoption and an increase in reported abortions.

Professor Carp is quick to acknowledge that birth mothers, too, have rights. He points to such common provisions in state laws as contact-preference forms, which allow birth mothers - assuming they can be located by the state - to state whether or not they want to be approached by a child, and even to explain why.

The New Hampshire law has such a provision. LaCroix, for example, plans to check databases to learn whether her birth mother is open to a meeting.

"[Such a form] allows birth mothers who do fear a problem to allow an adoptee to know where they stand," Carp says. "And for the most part it seems that adoptees respect that."

Experts on both sides of the debate acknowledge, however, that a birth parent would have no legal recourse under adoption laws should a child who was given up ignore a request for noncontact. A civil action, such as a restraining order, would have to be put in place.

The New Jersey legislature is wrestling with a bill that may include a one-year period during which birth parents can permanently veto access to their identities. (Tennessee and Delaware have similar conditional policies, in contrast to the five states with unconditional policies.)

Some backers of open adoption records argue that whatever adoption professionals have told parents who are considering relinquishing their children, privacy was never assured - nor could it be, since laws evolve.

"Adoption workers have, in many cases, kind of told women what they wanted to hear," says Marley Greiner, executive chair of Bastard Nation, an advocacy group for adult adoptees. She also rejects the idea of mutual-consent forms.

"If you got married in your misspent youth and some time later wanted to contact your ex-spouse, you wouldn't have to go through the state to see whether maybe that person had signed up. You'd just contact them," she says, adding that paper trails and public records exist for anyone who has the basic tools.

In LaCroix's case, the trail began in her local newspaper. It was only three days before her Concord appointment that her son and husband read reports about the law, and encouraged her to go forward.

LaCroix hopes eventually to see a photo of her birth mother, if it proves impossible to meet her. She will proceed with care, she says, and perhaps make some other kind of connection.

"I wouldn't want to ruin anything," she says.

Over the years, during visits to the schools that her son, now 12, attends, one thought has often struck her: "You could look at the faces," she says, "and tell who belonged to who."

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